When Tomorrow Comes
by Ruan Chun Xian
Summary: The road is cleared for Yong Qi's ascension. Part 2 of the Let the Years Sculpture Our Love universe.
1. Zhi Hua

A/N: If you have read this universe in full before, only about 20% of this fic is going to be new material, and the rest is from the old two chapters of "the world may be tiny but the heart's enormous" which now I have renamed "Memories Sing From Your Dreams". "Memories Sing From Your Dreams" now has a new epilogue that isn't that new, but just a lot shorter than the previous two Coda chapters. I decided to split the Coda chapters from that fic, and put it together with some new scenes in this new fic which covers the events leading to Yong Qi ascending the throne.

To make it easier for people who might have read this before:

Chapter 1: Zhi Hua and Mian Yi. No new material

Chapter 2: Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi meeting Zhu Ying. No new material

Chapter 3: Yu Fei returns to the palace. Also posted as "Preparations" under "Kaleidoscope"

Chapter 4: Zhu Ying. There is a couple of scenes at the beginning of the chapter that is new.

Chapter 5: Except the first section, everything else is new.

Chapter 6: Most of it is new.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Zhi Hua**

It did not take long for An Ran to feel at home at Hui Bin Lou and even less time for Liu Qing, Jin Suo and Liu Hong to insist that she made it her permanent home.

When Hui Bin Lou reopened and Huang Shang unexpectedly showed up, An Ran was glad she had been paying enough attention to the surroundings to glimpse him before everyone else did, and even more fortunately, before he saw her, and slipped away in time. Later, Yong Qi came up and knocked at her door.

"I suppose he had left?" she asked.

Yong Qi gave a small smile and didn't ask who she meant. "Did you see him arrive before?"

"Yes."

"You didn't have to leave."

"Oh, but I did. No matter how…forgiving he may be about my being here, it would still have made things awkward and ruined the mood."

"E'niang – "

"No, Yong Qi, you must not worry about me. Thinking about your father no longer hurts. But that does not mean it would be comfortable for us to meet. It is not how I would feel that I fear. I would just rather not put you in that position, not now."

Yong Qi gave her a searching look. "Are you sure?"

"Of course. Though I am surprised at his being here."

"I think even Huang Ah Ma needs to get away from the palace sometimes."

She smiled while lost in thoughts for a while. "He seemed a lot more laid back than I remembered."

"I think you can attribute that to Xiao Yan Zi as well," Yong Qi replied.

An Ran nodded, and could not help marvel at how extraordinary it was that someone like Xiao Yan Zi could blunder into the palace and not lose her head in the process, but only managed mostly positive effects on people she came in contact with.

"I must go," Yong Qi said.

She patted his cheek. "Yes, it is late, you should go, and do not think too much about it, all right? I know you are good to me and that's all that I need right now."

He squeezed her hand tightly. "Good night, E'niang."

* * *

Before and after the wedding, Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi performed simplified versions of the ceremonies privately to An Ran, which meant that those times were actually the least chaotic moments of the few days that surrounded their wedding.

A few months later, An Ran noticed very telling signs when Xiao Yan Zi nonchalantly and steadily made her way through two mandarin oranges in a batch that everyone at Hui Bin Lou had collectively decided were much to sour to eat.

After some attempts at covert questioning which apparently did not alert Xiao Yan Zi to anything, An Ran did not press any further. In some things, the girl could be so incredibly clueless, An Ran thought, more fondly now than she could have imagined six months ago.

She did, however, have a quiet word with Yong Qi before they left.

"Have a physician come and take her pulse when you get back."

"Why?" Yong Qi asked, alarmed. "What's wrong?"

"I strongly suspect nothing is much _wrong, _but just have a physician look over her in any case."

"E'niang, you're worrying me."

"Don't worry, I don't think it's anything serious, but still worth having a physician come in."

Yong Qi gave her a bewildered look, but she would not elaborate. She was pretty much sure what she suspected was correct, but she would rather Yong Qi had the information from a firmer source.

The next day, Yong Qi came to see her, grinning. An Ran didn't think she had ever seen him so happy.

"Well?"

"How did you know?"

"There were signs. I suppose I should not have expected Xiao Yan Zi to be able to recognise them on her own. Everything is well?"

"Oh yes, _very_ well."

"I am glad for you, my dear."

Despite Xiao Yan Zi's preference for sour things, the baby was not a boy, but a darling little girl with her mother's eyes.

Even before An Ran finally got to meet her a month later, from the way Yong Qi spoke of Zhuang Nan, it was clear that he didn't mind for a moment that the first child was a girl. Then again, they could not yet be desperate for a boy so early.

* * *

When the truth that Xiao Jian, Er Kang and Zi Wei have so clearly kept from him and Xiao Yan Zi finally came to light, and confronted with the marriage to Zhi Hua, Yong Qi's enormous reluctance was not just due to his feelings for Xiao Yan Zi, but in great part also due to his mother.

How could he marry Zhi Hua when he knew that by agreeing, all he was doing was putting her in his mother's misery all those years ago?

Yet with Xiao Jian's life in danger, what other choice did he have?

It felt so very painfully hypocritical how much he ended up echoing his father's actions and sympathising with his father's side of his parents' marriage in his own relationship with Zhi Hua.

At the start of it all, he did not intend to worry his mother with the entire mess about the truth behind Xiao Yan Zi's family, and had told Liu Qing and Jin Suo as such, and asked them not to mention anything to her either. He knew he would have to tell her something at _some_ point, but he always imagined it would be when he could get a grasp on the situation himself (whenever _that_ would be).

In the end though, he could not stop himself telling his mother everything mere days after his wedding to Zhi Hua. The truth was, he needed to talk to someone, someone who was not so caught up in everything, someone who would give a clear perspective, someone who, most importantly, would never judge him for what he had or hadn't done. Yet at the same time, there was a dread, because he feared that his mother would sympathise far more with Zhi Hua in this matter.

"You are taking too much on yourself," she told him. "As you said, you clearly did not have a choice in the matter, and you must admit it is not something you ever thought you could have realistically avoided."

"Perhaps, but I also didn't think I needed to be blackmailed into marrying someone either."

For a moment, he wondered if his mother would reproach him for such turn of phrase regarding a decision from Lao Fo Ye, even if in the end, that was what the truth boiled down to.

She didn't, however, and just gave him a small smile. "Would you ever have agreed to marry her or anyone else for any other reason?"

He didn't answer, but they both knew.

Instead, he said, "Even now, I can just see the path in front of me and Zhi Hua so clearly. I feel pain for the way Huang Ah Ma treated you, and resented him for it, but I cannot see a future where I will act very different from that with Zhi Hua. Yet the fact that I know this, and would do it anyway scares me. At the same time, I cannot lie to Zhi Hua about my feelings, because even if I give her hopes once today, she will always be disappointed tomorrow. Either way it will hurt her. I wish it could be avoided but I can't see how. And I am afraid that you will be disappointed at me for it, that after everything I've seen and said and after all that you've been through, I would knowingly put someone else through it all again. You would have every right to feel all of that."

His mother seemed to take a long time considering before she would answer him at all.

"Yong Qi." Her voice was much softer and more tender than he could have expected. He had said all he did while faced away from her, and now, she would not go on until he had turned around to look at her. "You are my son, and I will always be on your side, I will always defend you and support you in all that you do. It is irrational perhaps, contrary perhaps, but I will do it because I love you, I always have and always will."

To An Ran, the look he gave her was so full of _feelings _that it shouldn't be right. He let out a shaky gasp that denoted just how very close he must be to an emotional breakdown. The fact that he let her see it at all showed just how bad things were.

"I cannot tell you what you should do about Zhi Hua. I will not tell you what you should do. I will tell you, however, you should stop comparing it to your father and me. The fact that you let it bother you this much, the fact that you agonise over it and worry about it, already shows how different you are from your father. Because of that, your decisions will have very different results from how your father ever treated me. Perhaps to you it is the same, perhaps _it is _the same, on the surface, but the consequences will be different."

"Except that in both cases neither set of consequences are good."

"She knew what she was getting into, didn't she? It was partly her choice."

"She's seventeen," he said bitterly, "she has _no idea_ what she's getting into."

"I suppose not," his mother replied wryly.

The truth was, there was little advice she could offer on the subject. She could see the similarities he spoke of, but she didn't want to think that the only way for him and Zhi Hua was misery either. Perhaps there would never be bliss, but she had to at least hope for some kind of gentler solution. She only hoped one day Zhi Hua would understand the wisdom in not chasing things that would never be hers, even if right now it didn't seem like that was the case. Then again, little girls blind in destructive love rarely saw the world before them in any sensible light.

An Ran could only allow Yong Qi to talk – of his dreads, his fears, of all the things he would not tell Xiao Yan Zi. It gave her no comfort, but what did that matter? She wished she could wrap him up in a bubble and hide him from the world's hurts but the days when that would be appropriate were long gone. This would only be the beginning of the difficulties he would have to face, being in the position that he was. She could not protect him from life, she could only make sure that he knew she would always be there.

"Better?" she asked finally, when it seemed like Yong Qi had poured his heart out all he could.

"Not really," he said. "Maybe just a little bit."

"You are afraid of yourself, of what you would do, but dearest, the fact that you let it bother you so much shows that you will not mistreat her."

"Not physically, perhaps. Maybe emotional neglect is the far worse thing to do. Do you blame me?"

"For things outside your control?"

"For knowing the emotional burdens I am putting on Zhi Hua and will always put on her in the future, for knowing how much she suffers because I see it in you for so long, and not doing anything about it."

She sighed. "It is so easy to assign blame in the game of the hearts, yet also so very useless. It achieves nothing. I have learnt this, and the fact that even with blame, you cannot make other people feel what their heart was not willing. Perhaps Zhi Hua needs to learn it as well."

He stayed quiet, and An Ran let him get lost in thoughts, even if she was sure the thoughts cannot be comforting.

"I suppose you will want to meet her," he finally said later.

"You can at least try to sound like you want me to meet her."

He didn't exactly answer, but just sighed.

"I won't demand it, Yong Qi, not when clearly you have not come to terms with the entire situation, when you clearly are not ready. I know this is a very different situation to Xiao Yan Zi. I don't suppose she knows about me?"

Yong Qi gave a terse laugh. "That would imply that I have actually had a conversation with her doesn't involve this secret that we now must keep. I don't think Lao Fo Ye told her anything either. Then again, with the swiftness that Lao Fo Ye managed everything, I doubt there was time."

"Be careful, Yong Qi, that savours of bitterness."

"The thing is," he said wearily, "I don't understand why Zhi Hua thinks this is a good idea to begin with and why she agreed to this. If the only thing she is after is the position and power then I can never be comfortable with her holding that power above Xiao Yan Zi. But if that is not what she is after, and if she is after some emotional gratification then the future will be a thousand times more complicated. When I can't understand what exactly she wants, I am so very wary of letting her know about you."

"You are wary for me? Oh dearest, what can hurt me now?"

"I don't know," he said, running a hand over his face. "That's the thing. I just feel like I can't trust her entirely for some reason. I have this nagging feeling like I should be on my guards with her, and yet at the same time, she's a seventeen-year-old girl, how much damage could she do? It's all very confusing. Until I can see things clearly and not feel like I'm just stumbling through everything, I don't feel like I can speak to her about you."

An Ran ran a soothing hand down his back and decided to change the subject. "How is Xiao Yan Zi taking it all?"

Yong Qi gave her a pained, forced smile. "As could be expected."

"Poor thing," An Ran lamented. When it rained, it really poured for them, and An Ran wished she could do something to stop it, not just for Yong Qi's sake, but for Xiao Yan Zi's and Nan Er's as well.

Yong Qi sighed heavily. "Her vision of Huang Ah Ma wasn't so rose-tinted as it once was, but this truth just shattered everything she thought she knew. Then losing the – "

His voice cracked with pain as he could not talk about the greatest loss of all. An Ran could only grip his arm in comfort, feeling the pain with him.

"Anyway, I think Nan Er is the only thing keeping her somewhat held together at this point," Yong Qi finished in a choked, gravelly voice.

"I am sure you do, as well."

Yong Qi shook his head tiredly. "I force her to think far more of Zhi Hua and Huang Ah Ma now than of myself."

"How is she dealing with the truth about her father?"

Yong Qi opened his mouth to speak, did a slight double take, then he started again. "I was going to say something horribly ironic about how you could imagine how she feels, but then I realised you probably can."

"Yes," An Ran answered softly.

"The answer is probably no, but did you ever want to blame Huang Ah Ma for – "

"If I did, it was a long time ago. What Xiao Yan Zi goes through now is not the same, though."

There was a devastated look on his face that broke her heart. "I don't know how to make it better for her, E'niang," he admitted.

An Ran considered her reply before speaking slowly, "Sometimes, despite all your best intentions, you can't. There are things she will have to face on her own and trust that she would seek your comfort if she wishes for it. You can assure her that you will be there for her, but there are obstacles you can't clear for her and it will always hurt to realise this, but you won't be able to change that. It hurts but it is something you must accept."

Yong Qi looked at her for a long time. Then, "You are not just talking about Xiao Yan Zi and me, are you? You are also talking about the two of us."

She gave him a small, sad smile. "Yes, I suppose I am."

* * *

After dealing with a few tension-filled months with Zhi Hua in their lives, to Yong Qi, it seemed almost a relief to go off to war, where at least he would actually know who the enemy was.

To An Ran, it was the worst news she had heard in a long time.

"How could your father do this?"

"I asked to go, E'niang."

He looked at her apologetically, but she already knew that it was all settled, and he had only come to tell her, not to be talked out of it. Even if he could be talked out of it, it was likely that orders and arrangements have already been made and would never be taken back.

Still, she could not help saying, "Yong Qi, even if you would not think for yourself, did you not even consider me, Zhuang Nan, Xiao Yan Zi and – "

"I did. E'niang, if there is a reason for me to hesitate, it would be you more than anyone," he said earnestly. "But E'niang, it is also my duty to do this. I can't just hide away when I could do something to protect my country."

So that was that. The day he went away, after seeing him off, Xiao Yan Zi didn't return to the palace right away, but came to see her.

The two of them sat staring at the brazier that glowed with coal, keeping away only the misty chill of the late winter day but not the chill of the dread in their hearts. The fear couldn't be expressed because saying it out loud may be tempting it to come true.

Days later, Xiao Yan Zi came to see her again, this time looking slightly dazed, and told An Ran that she was expecting another child.

"Xiao Yan Zi, that's wonderful news. Why don't you look more happy?"

"I am! I was happy when I wrote him about it but – "

"But?"

Her reply was fearful and high-pitched. "I – I can't do this alone, E'niang, I can't - "

"I doubt you will ever truly be alone, Xiao Yan Zi."

"No, but without Yong Qi – what if – what if he doesn't – "

"Don't say it!" An Ran exclaimed, sharper than she intended.

Xiao Yan Zi, as An Ran found out that day, was prone to moments of self-doubt that apparently turned her normally optimistic self into someone who was quite bleak. It took some time, therefore, to sooth Xiao Yan Zi's agitated state, even then it was only with the help of Zi Wei and Liu Hong.

Left alone, An Ran tried not to think too much of her own worries that could not be alleviated even by letters as frequent as Yong Qi could manage at the war front.

So there was no word to describe her relief when one day, Zi Wei stumbled breathlessly into her room.

"Yi Niang!" Zi Wei only managed so much before she had to stop and catch her breath.

"What is it? Is something – " An Ran asked, standing up.

"No, no," Zi Wei answered, smiling widely. "They're coming home! Er Kang and Yong Qi! Everything is over, they're really coming home!"

An Ran grabbed Zi Wei's hand and resisted the urge to shake her. "Really? It's over? They are returning?"

"Yes! I had to promise Xiao Yan Zi I would let you know. She was all for coming to tell you herself, as if anyone would let her out at this stage."

"Oh, thank Heaven!"

Grinning, Zi Wei said, "I shan't stay, I need to return to Xue Shi Fu and let them know, but we wanted you to know as well so you don't worry anymore – "

"Yes, of course, thank you for telling me. Now, go home, Zi Wei."

* * *

An Ran would have been relived and thankful enough to see Yong Qi again, safe and sound. Any other rewards seemed superfluous. That didn't mean, however, that she could help feeling enormous pride to hear (not from Yong Qi) that Huang Shang had bestowed on him the title of Rong Qin Wang and he was the first of the emperor's sons to receive the title.

The title also meant the move to Rong Wang Fu. It had to be said that both Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi more or less rejoiced in this new residence. For Xiao Yan Zi, it put her and Zhi Hua in totally different buildings with several courtyards, a pond with a bridge and a garden between them, which would mean that it would be easier for all involved to breathe.

Yong Qi's one attempt so far to persuade his mother to come live with them at Rong Wang Fu had been unsuccessful. His mother seemed unable to contemplate the idea when there was still the smallest, slightest chance that she could run into the emperor at Rong Wang Fu. Yong Qi was also not as much his own master in his own residence as he wished to imagine, since all the stewards who oversaw the running of princely manors still reported directly to the emperor, so if his mother had moved in as he wished, it would not be half a day before the emperor knew. This in itself wasn't a deterrent for Yong Qi, who felt that by now, he had somewhat earned the right to be publicly filial to his mother. Still, his mother had been firmly against it, afraid of drawing unnecessary trouble for him. If she were living with anyone he trusted less than Liu Qing, he might have pressed the issue further. As she was at Hui Bin Lou, he allowed himself to take comfort for the fact that she would undoubtedly be safe and cared for.

Still, moving to Rong Wang Fu mean that it was easier for Yong Qi to visit his mother and allowed her to see Zhuang Nan on a more regular basis. It also led way to the very strange and possibly (again) very overdue meeting between An Ran and Zhi Hua.

It sufficed to say that Zhi Hua was appropriately shocked when Yong Qi finally told her about his mother and the fact that she still lived. How she felt about this deliberate attempt withhold this information from her could only be speculated. Yong Qi, for his part, imparted as much warning as it was possible about how imperative it was that Huang Shang was to be left to his continued made-up reality that Yu Fei was dead, without getting into too much of the details that he had enough trouble talking to Xiao Yan Zi about, let alone Zhi Hua.

He was slightly surprised that after all this time, Lao Fo Ye never made any mention of his mother to Zhi Hua, though she must know that Yong Qi still saw her as often as he could, and that Xiao Yan Zi was aware of it all. He supposed, however fond Lao Fo Ye was of his mother, she had the emperor's face to protect first and foremost. It was one of the few things Lao Fo Ye did in connection to Zhi Hua that Yong Qi could appreciate.

If Yong Qi was_ totally _honest with himself, telling Zhi Hua about his mother had not been so much for Zhi Hua's sake, but for the wish that his mother would then feel freer to come to Rong Wang Fu, where there would be no one she would have to hide from.

For An Ran, the meeting with Zhi Hua was a lot less…life-threatening than with Xiao Yan Zi. There was no other word to describe it than "calm". Perhaps it was representative of each of her daughter-in-law's nature. Yong Qi had left her alone to talk with Zhi Hua, but she suspected it was for a very different reason that he left her alone with Xiao Yan Zi before.

If Xiao Yan Zi was a force of nature and in every way unpredictable, Zhi Hua everything An Ran could have expected in woman that Lao Fo Ye would choose for Yong Qi. She could see clearly why Lao Fo Ye went through such lengths to get Yong Qi to marry her, yet at the same, she could see why, after Xiao Yan Zi, she would be rather uninteresting to Yong Qi. There was not anything _wrong _with her, surely. She knew to say all the right things, do all the right things, and could, as far as An Ran could tell, be pleasant enough. An Ran would probably not find it hard to like her, on her own. Then again, she didn't have to live with Zhi Hua, so how easy it was for her to like Zhi Hua didn't mean much.

An Ran didn't think Zhi Hua was being deliberately calculating in her pleasantness to her. If her every word was obviously considered and weighted before they were spoken, that was most likely just how she had been brought up. To Yong Qi, however, it was obvious that such deliberation could be off-putting, especially considering how she came to be in his life. Yong Qi clearly judged Zhi Hua in every way in terms of comparison to Xiao Yan Zi, and the two were so very different in what they expected from a marriage that An Ran wasn't surprised that he found it hard to relate to Zhi Hua at all.

The strange thing was, she understood what it was like, to be both Xiao Yan Zi and Zhi Hua. Each had their own source of woe, and in some ways, she could not help but pity Zhi Hua more, because Yong Qi had been right. No matter how Zhi Hua walked into this marriage with open eyes, she really had no idea what she got herself into. To hear her speak, An Ran could tell she still believed that Yong Qi's heart could be persuaded to be shared between her and Xiao Yan Zi.

Perhaps it was just as well that his life was still a distant away from her, so that she was not in a position to interfere even if she wanted to. If she was in the palace again, perhaps she would be pressured by Lao Fo Ye to take a side, but she couldn't see how that would help Yong Qi at all. To take a side would stir up even more conflict between Xiao Yan Zi and Zhi Hua – it wasn't as if they needed more – and make life even more difficult for Yong Qi. However much she sympathised with either of them, to make Yong Qi feel guilty about it was not her intention. If she was to take a side, she would take Yong Qi's side first and foremost. She might learn to like his wives both for their own merits, but he was still her son.

Xiao Yan Zi was necessary for his happiness, but at the same time she was so unsuited to numerous other roles that would be expected of his wife. An Ran could, unfortunately, see the need for someone like Zhi Hua, though she could not help but think that Lao Fo Ye's way of putting Zhi Hua in his life was a rather great lapse in judgement and a fundamental inability to understand how Yong Qi's mind and heart worked. He could never learn to be happy with someone forced on him not on his own terms.

So An Ran watched as the three of them stumbled through the life which probably none of them would have chosen for themselves. She watched as Zhi Hua tried to hide her disappointment when Mian Zhang was born and offered what both she and Xiao Yan Zi knew were insincere well-wishes. If situations were reversed, Xiao Yan Zi probably would not even attempt to be subtle about it.

If Yong Qi ever came to An Ran to talk about any of this, she knew it was not ever to ask for her advice, but more because he needed to talk to someone and there were things he could not say even to Xiao Yan Zi. Perhaps that was for the best, because she didn't think ever she could give unbiased opinions and perhaps he received enough expectations from every side already as it was, and didn't need it from her as well.

* * *

When Mian Yi was born and Xiao Yan Zi's heart broke, she had expected to seek comfort in Zi Wei. However, even as she was ready to go to Xue Shi Fu, she eventually found herself at Hui Bin Lou and in An Ran's rooms instead. She didn't even know why this even seemed like a good idea, but regardless, here she was.

An Ran took one look at Xiao Yan Zi's tearful face and seemed to understand. Never before had Xiao Yan Zi been more relieved for her soothing presence. She knew An Ran had every right then to act happy at the birth of a healthy grandson, but instead, she just drew Xiao Yan Zi into an embrace and helped her wipe the tears away from her face.

If asked, neither of them could possibly say when it had become such a natural thing that Xiao Yan Zi would seek out An Ran's comfort so automatically and for An Ran to provide it like this.

"My dear Xiao Yan Zi," – it was the first time she had called Xiao Yan Zi that, and Xiao Yan Zi wasn't even sure whether it helped – "Yong Qi does love you so very much."

In her broken state, Xiao Yan Zi asked, "Does he?"

She wondered, for a brief moment, whether there would be reproach for her lack of faith. She seemed to be pulled in a thousand different directions now that she couldn't bring herself to be rational, to force herself to admit that she didn't doubt his love as much as she wanted to.

Her mother-in-law's reply, however, only was to sit down beside her on the bed, where she had drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head down, wishing the world to disappear. An Ran stroked her hair gently.

"You know he does," she said softly but firmly. "Even if, right now, it doesn't feel like it helps numb the pain."

"The stupid thing is, I pushed him to her. I owe her too much and he had put it off for long enough. But still, it hurts."

"I know," An Ran said gently.

"I suppose you will send me back," Xiao Yan Zi sniffled.

"No, not if you do not want to go back."

"I will have to," Xiao Yan Zi said with a sigh. "Nan Er and Mian Zhang..."

"Yong Qi could take care of them for a couple of days without you if you wish to stay away for a while. Perhaps it is better."

An Ran wondered whether part of the reason Xiao Yan Zi apparently made Yong Qi settle things with Zhi Hua was partly because she saw that Zhi Hua's patience was running out and feared she would eventually reveal the secret if Yong Qi continued not keeping his end of the bargain. Perhaps Xiao Yan Zi's sacrifice had succeeded in Zhi Hua keeping the secret truth of Xiao Yan Zi's family for a few more months, but still, eventually, when she clearly thought that Yong Qi was not sufficiently excited about their child together, she had gone and revealed the secret to Huang Shang anyway. Though in the end, the matter was resolved with minimal calamity and without anyone thrown into jail or with lives threatened (much), it was clear that any hope for more than the pretence of good will between Zhi Hua, and Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi, took a nose-dive turn after that.

Now, the birth of the child would only serve to make things even more sour between Zhi Hua and Xiao Yan Zi. As much as it would be easy to wag fingers at Xiao Yan Zi for being discourteous, An Ran didn't think any woman in her position could honestly ever say they could be sincerely glad for their rival. Even as separated as they were in Rong Wang Fu, perhaps it would be better for all involved if Xiao Yan Zi was to not be around for a few days.

Xiao Yan Zi did not answer for a long time. When she did, it wasn't on the subject of returning to Rong Wang Fu.

"I am sorry," she mumbled.

"For what?"

"I know you ought to be able to rejoice…the child is your grandson. I should not have brought my gloom to you."

An Ran sighed. "I am grateful for the child's healthy birth, certainly, but don't think I don't know how you feel either, Xiao Yan Zi. I know there are feelings that you can try to repress, that may not be polite to feel but your heart makes you feel regardless…"

Later in the day, when Yong Qi came and asked to see Xiao Yan Zi, An Ran did not allow him to.

"E'niang! I need to see her."

But An Ran would not budge.

Yong Qi gave a frustrated exclamation and paced the room, occasionally staring longingly at the wall that separated them from Xiao Yan Zi. Finally, when An Ran thought she had given him enough time to brood, she pushed him down into a seat and pressed a cup of tea into his hand.

Then, sitting down beside him and placing a hand on his arm, she said gently, "Give her time, Yong Qi, to cry a bit and get used to the situation, before she needs to face you."

Yong Qi closed his eyes and set the tea down, undrunk, more forcefully than necessary.

"She won't be able to stay away long. The children will bring her back to you soon," An Ran said.

He raised his eyes to look at her, and she winced to see how much pain was in his expression. "Is that all the reason that brings her back to me? If she only comes back for the children and not because she wants to, then I would rather - "

He didn't finish, but it was enough. She wished she could make this entire situation better for the both of them, to give them the happiness and optimism they so had at the beginning of their marriage.

"Oh dearest, if she didn't love you so much, she would not be in such pain now," An Ran said gently. "Go home, spend some time with the baby as he deserves. Xiao Yan Zi will be all right here."

Yong Qi let out a shaky laugh. "I should be happy. And yet the only thing I feel is glad that it's over…and not even the right kind of glad. And yet…I do love him."

"Of course," was her soft reply.

He picked up the teacup again and stared into the dark liquid, as if contemplating drowning himself in it. "Is this how Huang Ah Ma felt when I was born?"

The sudden pain that assaulted her took An Ran by surprise, so that she couldn't answer right away. She was glad, however, that Yong Qi was preoccupied enough to not notice her expression, which she quickly hid away.

"Oh Yong Qi, you do not think it is the same thing."

Perhaps circumstances shared some details, but An Ran knew her relationship with Huang Shang was never quite as turbulent as Yong Qi's was with Zhi Hua.

"It is similar enough."

* * *

As much as Zhi Hua had put Xiao Yan Zi in danger when she revealed the secret to Huang Ah Ma, and as angry as Yong Qi had been with her, he could still never quite blame her completely without placing some of the blame on himself. He could not deny that he partially pushed her to such desperation. He never exactly kept his end of their bargain in good faith, and so could not expect her to do the same. Still, the whole incident showed the malicious side of Zhi Hua that she worked so meticulously to hide before. It sufficed to say that if before, Yong Qi felt himself on his guard around her, he felt it even more now. Anything that resembled trust he had once before for her was gone now, and he could no longer assume that she would not resort to hurting Xiao Yan Zi in another way to gain the upper hand.

Despite that, he could still not bring himself to ignoring her completely like he wished and half-expected of himself, if not for her sake then for that of Mian Yi. One day his son would, as he did once, have to realise the truth that there was little love between his parents. Even if Yong Qi could not help that, he could at least try to not make Mian Yi feel the ice so bitterly, to not make it so very obvious…

There could not be love for Zhi Hua, but Yong Qi still hoped, now that all secrets were out in the open, and they had all laid their cards out, and there was no longer any debt, nothing more owing to be repaid, that somehow they could reach some sort of peaceful co-existence. Perhaps _friendliness _between Zhi Hua and Xiao Yan Zi would always be too much to ask for, but he knew that by now, even Xiao Yan Zi only wished for a calm, live-and-let-live attitude between her and Zhi Hua as well. Being at odds with Zhi Hua was about as exhausting for Xiao Yan Zi as it was for him, for all the ways Xiao Yan Zi wouldn't otherwise shy away from conflict.

How much Zhi Hua understood all this, how much she appreciated it and how much she could be capable of accepting it, Yong Qi wasn't sure. He supposed, for all her ambitions, it was too much to hope right away. He could only hope, as the years pass, for Mian Yi's sake, she would learn to be more cautious, not the other way around.

In many ways, Yong Qi could never regret Mian Yi's existence even if it was never exactly planned and he dreaded some of the things his son would have to go through. If anything, the child was good for Zhi Hua, in that now she at least might feel like she had some form of protection. Without Mian Yi, Zhi Hua would perhaps be even more desperate, and Yong Qi did not think that a desperate Zhi Hua was easy or nice to deal with.

Yong Qi hoped, too, that over time, Zhi Hua would understand that regardless of the circumstances, he could not love Mian Yi less than Zhuang Nan or Mian Zhang even if he wished to. He had seen far too much of how his father's blatant favouritism of his children caused his wives to resort to reckless acts taken in the name of competing for the emperor's attention for her child, where the child would often be reduced to an object, regardless of the mother's best intentions. He did not think he could bear to see his children pushed to the same battle, especially when it would never be necessary.


	2. Di Fujin

**Chapter 2: Di Fujin**

Tongjia Zhu Ying was more of a disappointment to Zhi Hua than she was to Xiao Yan Zi.

To Zhi Hua, the arrival of Zhu Ying was something that resembled betrayal from Lao Fo Ye, for Zhi Hua had been more or less promised all the titles that Zhu Ying would receive when she married Yong Qi.

"It is time for you to decide on the position of Di Fujin," Lao Fo Ye said.

If he was being truthful, Yong Qi had been expecting this discussion to come up. He knew, Lao Fo Ye had refrained from decreeing making Zhi Hua his Di Fujin when Mian Yi was born only because he still had Mian Zhang, but the fact that by now, he had been for years with two Ce Fujin and no Di Fujin was a heavy weight on Lao Fo Ye's mind. It disturbed the orders of things and while Yong Qi would personally be content to maintain the current wobbly balance of his household, Lao Fo Ye clearly had other ideas.

Now, the way she brought up the subject made it seem like the decision was his. Yong Qi knew far better. But even then, he could not help protesting.

"With all due respect, Lao Fo Ye, I cannot possibly consider Zhi Hua for that position."

"Yong Qi, if you are even entertaining the idea of Xiao Yan Zi – " Lao Fo Ye began exasperatedly.

"I'm not."

There was a pause in which he expected being reprimanded for interrupting his grandmother. However, she only said, "Good, because Heaven knows she is completely unsuited for the position."

From the sound of it, Lao Fo Ye was almost daring him to disagree with her. In many ways, he didn't. And yet at the same time, he wished that his grandmother would not use that as a reason to dismiss Xiao Yan Zi's other goodness altogether.

"She would hate it," he admitted. What he didn't say was, as much as she _would _hate it, she would hate the idea of Zhi Hua in that position over her even more. "But Zhi Hua is equally out of the question."

"Zhi Hua is a good girl, suitable and smart, what she doesn't know about the duties that awaits her, she can learn quickly and effectively," Lao Fo Ye said, with the implication that Xiao Yan Zi was not all this. It wasn't a point that Yong Qi wanted to argue with her. "You can't hold the fact that she told Huang Shang about Xiao Yan Zi's family against her – "

"Why not?"

"Yong Qi!"

"Lao Fo Ye, I'm serious, and forgive me if I _do_ hold it against her."

"For Heaven's sake, Yong Qi, your father would have found out sooner or later, do you expect something like that to stay secret forever? The fact that Xiao Yan Zi remains in her current position is my indulgence enough for your feelings for her. But that is no reason for you to deny that Zhi Hua is capable – "

"I'm _not _denying at all, Lao Fo Ye. But neither can you expect me to trust her when she clearly never stopped to consider how much damage she could have caused when she told Huang Ah Ma about Xiao Yan Zi's family so abruptly. Putting her in a higher position over Xiao Yan Zi now would just be encouraging her to do similar things later. You would not be comfortable with someone you cannot trust either."

Lao Fo Ye sighed. "You can't blame her entirely for the reasons behind the things she did. And she is very young, Yong Qi, she can change."

"I'm only afraid it might be possible to alter a mountain or the change the course of a river; personalities, not so much."

"You cannot fault her to wanting to get your attention, which she wouldn't have struggled so much for if you would – "

Yong Qi almost could not help himself and completed Lao Fo Ye's hanging sentence with something that would have been very snarky and defiant. At the last minute, he thought better of it and kept silent.

Lao Fo Ye sighed again and stood up, approaching him. She then said in a much gentler tone, "I know part of this is my fault, I pushed all of you too hard. I did not realise that you would take it so – "

She shook her head and turned away briefly. Yong Qi knew it could not settle so easily, however, so he could only manage a weak smile when she turned back to him.

"Is it really so hard to reconcile yourself to Zhi Hua?"

"I'm not just being contrary because I like it," Yong Qi said, his voice heavy with regrets.

"But you know what is going on here, Yong Qi," his grandmother said seriously. "I will not meddle in state matters, but I should think that Huang Di has talked to you and made his position – _your position – _perfectly clear to you. You know what is very likely in your future. Do not tell me that you still hold on to some silly fantasy of trading this empire for a woman."

Yong Qi could not in any good conscience say anything of the kind, and it was impossible to protest against the direction the conversation was rapidly heading. There was little point in it by now. It was no long a vague possibility that he could push to the back of his consciousness any longer, not after everything Huang Ah Ma had said and done lately. Denial of what was in his future would only be detrimental to everyone and every cause involved.

Lao Fo Ye continued, "If things go as Huang Di and I would like, you will have the smoothest succession that this dynasty has ever been afforded. But to have that, you will need a good Di Fujin to ensure it."

"To be perfectly honest with you, Lao Fo Ye, I hardly think that one who has a hateful grudge against the Ce Fujin could be considered that."

"Hateful grudge is a very strong word."

"What would you call it?"

Lao Fo Ye didn't answer, and they were both quiet for a long moment.

Frustrating as it was, Yong Qi had to admit that he knew, at the end of it all, Lao Fo Ye really did just want the best for him, and he should be grateful for that. He _was_. But that didn't mean it was easy to accept that it was almost impossible to reconcile what he wanted to what was not only expected of him, but also his duties, something he owed to not only Lao Fo Ye and Huang Ah Ma, but also to a cause so much larger than any of them. It was not something easily put down, and he could not blame his grandmother for pressing him not to do so, either, even if it was by these means.

"Zhi Hua would be capable, but she is a Han," Lao Fo Ye said. It was easy to guess where this was going, and if Yong Qi thought interrupting now could stop the conversation, he would have done it. But Lao Fo Ye had called him in for a reason today, and it didn't seem like she would allow what she had in mind to go unsaid. "However I will not deny that it would be infinitely more preferable for your Di Fujin to be of a Manchu Banner clan."

"Lao Fo Ye – "

"Yong Qi!"

"I – "

"If that sentence ends with 'don't want to', Yong Qi, then you should know very well that our wishes mean very little and should matter very little in the grand scheme of things!"

He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. What was he supposed to say to that? Lao Fo Ye took his silence for invitation to continue.

"In the selection of ladies for the inner palace last month, there was one who I must say is very promising, Grand Councillor Wei Wu's daughter, Tongjia Zhu Ying."

Lao Fo Ye paused, as if judging his reaction, or giving him a chance to comment.

So he said, more because he knew Lao Fo Ye expected him to say something, "If she is so promising, why was she not selected?"

"I would not allow it. She would be wasted in some corner of the palace as an imperial concubine right now, but as your Di Fujin, she will have a bright future, and support from her father will do you much good."

Lao Fo Ye stopped just short of saying "you are marrying her because I say so", but it was impossible to even deliberately not understand what was implied. At least Lao Fo Ye wasn't holding someone else's life over his head like last time.

"Qing Er likes her," Lao Fo Ye added, as if that was supposed to persuade him.

He probably shouldn't ask, because asking was showing interest, but Yong Qi couldn't help it. "When did Qing Er meet her?"

"I can't magically tell how suitable she is for the position with a fleeting look at the selection. I had to meet her."

"What if," he said slowly, "I _don't_ want to?"

"For goodness' sake, Yong Qi, grow up!" (He could not deny that the implication of that reproach stung.) "What about anything that we have to do to get this empire, this dynasty to where it is today, to keep it that way, was ever about anything that anyone wanted to do?"

"I know," he admitted.

"You may not want to," Lao Fo Ye said more softly, "but the world does not run on what we want, especially in this. If you accept the future as it awaits you, then you know you cannot have just Xiao Yan Zi and Zhi Hua."

Yong Qi did not reply, because admitting that he knew this as well, long before this day, would be taking a step towards accepting it. It wasn't something he could allow himself to do just yet, as selfish as it was.

Lao Fo Ye, however, didn't seem in a hurry to press him to accept right then. Perhaps she really had come to understand that pressuring him to accept before he was ready would only make things end up in a disaster.

So she just said, "_Think_ about it," before letting him go.

* * *

"So…what are we doing?" Xiao Yan Zi asked as they walked along a river bank, occasionally keeping an eye on the horses grazing behind them.

"Taking a walk."

"Okay, why?"

"Does there need to be a reason?"

"_Yong Qi_," Xiao Yan Zi said exasperatedly. "You've been acting odd for a few days. You dragged me out here for a reason. What is it?"

Yong Qi took her hand and held it tightly in his, as if afraid that she would pull away. Then, slowly, he told her about the conversation between him and Lao Fo Ye.

"Are you not going to say anything?" he asked when he had finished and the remaining silence stretched on.

"If – if Lao Fo Ye already has her heart set on it, is there anything we can do to prevent it?" she asked without much enthusiasm.

"That's it? That's all you would say about this? I expected a little more…well, energy."

She sighed. "If you must know, Lao Fo Ye has already brought up the idea to me."

"_What_?"

The concern was apparently in both his tone and his eyes. Xiao Yan Zi knew, he was probably worried that Lao Fo Ye would go about bringing up the subject with her as bluntly as the time when Zhi Hua happened. Lao Fo Ye, surprisingly, however, had been trying as much as was possible considering the situation, to bring up the subject gently and with some display of suggestion that the whole thing was still up in the air and they actually had a choice in the matter. (This was totally false, of course. Xiao Yan Zi understood that much now.)

"What did she say?" Yong Qi pressed.

She sighed. "The usual. What she did say of interest was that she would allow Qing Er and my brother to marry if we agree to this."

The suggestion both swayed Xiao Yan Zi and annoyed her when she first heard it, because, really, did everything need to be a bargain? Still, she couldn't deny that, after everything they've been through, she wanted now, more than ever, to ensure her brother and Qing Er's happiness when they still could.

"Tell me you're joking."

"I'm not, unfortunately," Xiao Yan Zi replied with a humourless smile.

"Still, we don't have to do this. It's not that desperate for them – "

"No," she agreed, sighing. "But it is the quickest, easiest and least messy solution for them. If we wait until…Lao Fo Ye is no longer in a position to oppose their marriage, then there is still the mourning period to wait, and how many more things can happen in that time?"

She almost expected Yong Qi to scold her about such a brazen statement. Even if everyone pretty much knew that the emperor and dowager empress were still mortal and would, one day, die, it was definitely not something that anyone was at liberty to talk about so freely. In the palace, if anyone overheard such a statement, the consequences would not be pretty at all.

He didn't comment on her impolitic remarks, however. He just said, "So you would agree to this marriage to Tongjia Zhu Ying to trade for your brother's marriage?"

"When you put it like that – " she said, then trailed off.

It wasn't that, really. It was more like, if there was anything that became increasingly clear to Xiao Yan Zi over the last few years, it was this: if the idea of Tongjia Zhu Ying, or someone like her, did not come up now, it would come up later. Sooner or later she would still have to deal with it. If that was the case, and that if happened now, and she might be able to use it as leverage for her brother's benefit, that might just be the very small silver linings.

Still, it had to be said that it made her uncomfortable to realise that it was both necessary and _possible _for her to think in this mindset at all.

"Just tell me, is there a way for us to gracefully turn this down?" she asked.

Yong Qi sighed. "Probably not. I mean, short of making Zhi Hua Di Fujin which doesn't give me any comfort at all."

"And even if we managed to avoid both scenarios, if it's not Tongjia Zhu Ying or Zhi Hua, Lao Fo Ye will try to put someone else forward, won't she? Only the more kicking and screaming we are about it, the less pleasant it will be."

Yong Qi didn't answer, and the silence in itself was answer enough.

"Should I have seen this coming?" she asked. "As far as Lao Fo Ye, and even to some extent, Huang Ah Ma as well, are concerned, I will never be enough for you."

"Xiao Yan Zi – " he started, defensive.

"Deny it," she challenged. "Tell me it isn't true."

He didn't, and only said quietly, "Sometimes, I can't tell, between our two families, which of us actually owe the other."

She smiled weakly. "If only things were so simple."

It was never simple, and she knew it would only get more complicated from here on. It was impossible for even Xiao Yan Zi to deny anymore what Yong Qi's worth was to Huang Ah Ma, to the country now. In many ways, she wanted it for him, because he deserved it, and he could do so much good. It was just so very inconvenient that the future she truly wanted for him meant very unpleasant things for _her_.

She could be selfish, if she allowed herself, to cry and throw a tantrum and tell him she didn't want any of this at all (and she didn't). She would do it, if she could be sure that it would actually accomplish something. As things were, however, it probably would end up making Yong Qi feel terribly conflicted and guilty about her, and that gave her neither pleasure nor satisfaction.

As they somehow silently came to an agreement that neither of them really wished for about Zhu Ying, he asked, "Do you sometimes wish we never came back to the palace?"

She was startled, and wondered how long he had been thinking about this. "Do you?"

"At times when I am faced with decisions like these? Yes."

There was a long moment in which she did not reply right away. It was too dangerous a direction to think.

"I have never liked to think of what-ifs," she said finally. "It's all very depressing. And regret of what could have been never makes present problems go away. It's not as if we could leave now."

Yong Qi did not say anything for a long time, but it was clear by the silent that the idea had, at least at some point very recently, crossed his mind.

"You can't be serious," Xiao Yan Zi said.

He gave her a slightly sad smile. "I can be, if you would ask."

He should not tempt her like this. It was the worst thing he could do. He should know how selfish she could be, how very little control she had sometimes over things that she wanted, as desperately as she wanted for his life to have only just her.

Somehow, she wasn't even quite sure how, Xiao Yan Zi managed to force herself to say, "Well, then you should know that I won't."

He looked at her, however, and she knew he knew that even as she said it, her heart wanted the complete opposite.

"Even if Zhuang Nan and Mian Zhang could somehow come with us, you cannot leave Mian Yi," she said, trying to reason with both herself and him.

It was true, and they both knew it, even if she knew he would never say it to her, because he probably thought it would hurt her. It did, but not quite in the way he would imagine it.

Xiao Yan Zi placed a hand against his cheek and said more softly, "Even if you could bear it, I could not, Yong Qi. He is your child. If for nothing else, that is enough reason for me to treat him well. Tell me you know that."

"I do," he whispered, pulling her close and pressing a kiss against her forehead. He hoped, too, that no matter what happened in the future, she would never have cause to doubt his love for her.

Their moment was broken by a horse running past them, rider-less, and it was definitely not one of their horses. They both looked up startled, and then looked towards the direction the horse came from.

"What on earth? Where did that horse come from?" Xiao Yan Zi asked.

"I don't know, but from the looks of it, it's a good horse that should be fully trained, so it really shouldn't be running away without a rider, unless someone had sent it away," Yong Qi replied. "Let's go down that way to see if we can find the owner."

They walked along the bank of the river, until Xiao Yan Zi gasped.

"Yong Qi, look!"

She pointed into the river, where, in the middle of it, stood a young woman. The rapid flow of water came up to her waist and she was wading decidedly deeper into its folds. Xiao Yan Zi knew that this river sloped quickly, and a few more steps, she would be in over her head and be quickly washed downstream. The river bed and banks were full of sharp rocks; she would sooner hit her head on them and die than drown.

"Oh Heaven, you don't think she's trying to kill herself?" Yong Qi exclaimed, but Xiao Yan Zi was already running into the river. "Xiao Yan Zi, wait!"

"Miss! Miss, stop!" Xiao Yan Zi called.

It was hard to move very fast against the rapid currents, and Yong Qi rushed after her, pulling on one of her arms.

"Xiao Yan Zi, slow down."

"I can't!" she cried, not looking back at him, keeping her eyes on the woman ahead. "She's going to – Miss, please, just stop – "

The woman turned slowly around to face them, standing wavering like a reed in the water that had now reached her chest.

"You don't have to try and save me," she said softly. "This is none of your business, just go back where you came from and pretend you never saw me."

"No!" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed, horrified. "Please just come back here."

"Miss, however bad you think things might be, and we don't presume to know, but this really isn't the solution to anything," Yong Qi said, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. "Don't do this. Surely you must have family, friends who care about you and would miss you."

She seemed to waver for a moment, which meant that Yong Qi's words had merits, but then still said resolutely, "It doesn't matter. Don't stop me, please. Just go."

"You can't expect us to just let you die without trying to save you," Xiao Yan Zi said. "We might not know you but please, just – "

Before Xiao Yan Zi could finish her sentence, though, the water had swept the woman off her feet and she fell into its flow.

"Xiao Yan Zi, stay!" Yong Qi pulled her back swiftly to shallower waters and dived into the water himself.

"Can you swim?" she cried after him, and he answered her by proving that he could.

It was not easy pulling the woman back into land against the rapid waters, even when by the time Yong Qi had gotten a hold of her, Xiao Yan Zi rushed out again to help him bring her back. By the time they all collapsed on the grassy bank, all three were all coughing and gasping for air. There wasn't a dry stitch of clothes on any of them, and it was only fortunate that it wasn't the middle of winter.

"Are you all right?" Xiao Yan Zi asked the woman.

"You shouldn't have done that," she said weakly, her face buried in the grass. It did not seem like she would look up at them any time soon. "This had nothing to do with you, you had no right, no reason – "

"Yes, well, can I just suggest you save yourself the trouble of blaming us and just believe that you will never actually convince my wife of that line of reasoning?" Yong Qi said, sitting up and leaning against a tree trunk.

"No matter how bad things are, dying is not going to solve anything, you know," Xiao Yan Zi said, helping her to sit up.

"Well, living isn't much better," she replied bitterly.

"Why would you even attempt such thing?" Yong Qi asked softly. "That must be your horse that ran past us, and your clothes show you are from an affluent family. What could make you resort to this?"

Xiao Yan Zi nearly rolled her eyes at him. He, of all people, should really know that wealth and affluence really had no indication on a person's happiness whatsoever. But then, he probably was just trying to encourage her to talk.

The woman was expectedly silent, and just shook her head, closing her eyes in exhaustion and defeat. Xiao Yan Zi turned to look pointedly at Yong Qi. He, in turn, looked once from her to the woman, before nodding and standing up, wandering away, so that he could not hear their conversation.

"You don't have to tell me anything," Xiao Yan Zi said softly after just sitting with her in silence for a long while. "You are right, it's none of my business. But perhaps…things aren't always as bleak as we sometimes think. Maybe I could help you look at it in a more positive light?"

"There's nothing good about my life right now," she said, leaning against the tree that Yong Qi just vacated, turning her head towards the sky with her eyes closed.

"It might seem that way, but it really isn't. People might say this all the time, but trust me, I do understand that sometimes things seem like it would never get better, and you just can't see a way out of the misery. There's always a way out. Life will always go on. You'll always have a chance to move towards something better. You just have to allow yourself that chance."

"What if there was no life to go on with?"

"As long as you are alive, there will always be."

"But I haven't been alive in a long time. I've barely been surviving."

Xiao Yan Zi looked at her and wondered what could have happened that she could feel that way. Despite all the hardship in her own life, Xiao Yan Zi had never quite allowed herself to lose hope so completely. Perhaps it was because hope at times had been her only defence mechanism. But she could not understand this lack of it at all.

"You don't believe it?" the woman asked, opening her eyes to look at Xiao Yan Zi.

"I just feel like, it took a lot for a person to be born and live in the world, throwing it away so arbitrarily makes it all so sinful."

The woman's lips curled into a pained smile, but didn't answer.

"If you want to talk about, you could tell me. I know we're strangers, but maybe that's better. I don't have any basis to judge anything. It would be completely unbiased."

The woman looked at Xiao Yan Zi for a long time, then sighed. "I know you – and your husband? – mean well, but – "

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to," Xiao Yan Zi said quickly when she didn't finish her sentence. "I just want to help…"

"I know. And I don't want you to think I don't recognise your kindness."

Xiao Yan Zi nodded. The woman looked towards Yong Qi for a moment. Then, turning back to Xiao Yan Zi, she asked, "Is there affection between you?"

"Yes, of course."

Even as she said it, Xiao Yan Zi knew there was really no 'of course' in the affection department when it came to many marriages, least of all those marriages involving men of Yong Qi's station.

The woman gave a wistful smile. "Then you are lucky, you are married to the person you love."

"And you cannot?" Xiao Yan Zi asked tentatively.

"No."

"Does your family not approve – ?"

"No, it's not even that," she said with a heavy sigh. She closed her eyes for a moment, and then it was as if a dam had burst and she continued in one long flow, "I knew him since childhood, and he was the son of a very close family friend. I believe neither of our family would ever have a problem with it, they would probably even wish for it. We had promised each other – but sometimes promises aren't ours to make…"

She looked on the verge of tears for a moment, but Xiao Yan Zi didn't say anything. She knew she needed the silence now more than probing comments.

"He died," she said flatly after a while. "Three years ago. He was sick, and the doctors couldn't save him."

So there was no bad guy. It was just fate and nature. Sometimes, such tragedies were even worse.

"But if it's been three years, why now – ?" Xiao Yan Zi asked softly.

"My family got a – a – proposal, of sorts. For me. To marry… My father…my father doesn't want to force me, but neither can he keep me forever. I know he will accept this proposal, and he can only stall on giving an answer for so long – "

"If your father doesn't want to force you, then why would he accept?"

"It's not an offer he can really refuse. The consequences – It's complicated."

Xiao Yan Zi smiled wanly. Once upon a time she might not understand, but now she knew more about offers that could not be refused more than she ever wanted to know.

"I mean, by all standards, it's a good match, as the entire world keep telling me," the woman exclaimed, her voice cracking. "I don't even deny it. It's a marriage that many would dream of, and many would think me crazy for even thinking about turning it down. There isn't much better that could be hoped for out there. But I just can't bring myself to it. I should probably care and think it's a good thing, but what does it matter if he's a prince or whatever else he'll be – "

"A prince?" Xiao Yan Zi squeaked, an uncomfortable feeling settling inside her. She glanced towards where Yong Qi was pacing by their horses out of earshot.

Surely not.

This could not be happening.

The woman stopped talking, and pursed her lips together, clearly knowing she had said too much to a stranger. When she did not speak again, Xiao Yan Zi asked hesitantly, "What did you say your name was?"

"Zhu Ying," she said, probably more automatically than she intended.

Xiao Yan Zi took a deep breath and glanced over at Yong Qi again. He did not seem to realise the shift in the scene between the two of them.

"_Tongjia _Zhu Ying?" Xiao Yan Zi asked.

Zhu Ying stared open-mouthed for a moment at her, blinked, then nodded.

"Oh."

"How did you know?"

Xiao Yan Zi stared and didn't answer.

A very uncomfortable silence descended. Xiao Yan Zi's mind was reeling. This discovery had hit her like an unsuspected arrow to the chest. It made everything that happened that morning bizarrely fated.

Meanwhile, Zhu Ying apparently was blind-sided enough by Xiao Yan Zi's sudden pensiveness to not be able to say anything.

"So you were trying to kill yourself because you don't want to marry this…person?" Xiao Yan Zi asked finally, just to make sure.

The sigh that her companion gave was enough to confirm it.

Looking and nodding pointedly towards Yong Qi, Xiao Yan Zi said in a voice she hoped was sufficiently not accusatory, "You know, I do love him to death, but between the two of us, I have to say that killing yourself over him is _really_ not worth it."

Zhu Ying stared at Xiao Yan Zi, who could practically see the gears turning in her head, pieces of the puzzle falling into place.

She went red, gasped and stammered, "You – No, no, no, no, that's impossible – "

Xiao Yan Zi smiled. "Apparently not."

"You are – That is – No."

Leaving Zhu Ying to struggle in a daze with the newly discovered information, Xiao Yan Zi called, "Yong Qi!"

As Yong Qi approached them, Zhu Ying seemed to have come to some sense of the situation and knelt down in front of Xiao Yan Zi, which only made her scramble to stand up and out of the way. She wondered how much confusion Yong Qi must be feeling looking at this scene.

"Fujin, please forgive me, I didn't know who I was speaking to," Zhu Ying said, flustered, which was also precisely what Xiao Yan Zi was feeling. "I have been insolent and – "

"All you've done is tell me you _don't _want to marry him, and quite frankly for the two of us, that's a good thing," Xiao Yan Zi said, pulling Zhu Ying to her feet. "Please stand up."

"What is going on?" Yong Qi asked.

Zhu Ying did not seem to dare to look at him, and stared at the ground, twisting her hands together.

"This is ridiculous, can you please relax?" Xiao Yan Zi said. "Yong Qi, meet Tongjia Zhu Ying. Tongjia Xiaojie, Wu Ah Ge."

"_What?"_ Yong Qi exclaimed, staring at Xiao Yan Zi. Suddenly overcome with mirth, she gave him a smile suppressing a laugh, and nodded.

Yong Qi stared at the top of Zhu Ying's head for a long moment, before turning around, running a hand across his face. "This is not happening."

Xiao Yan Zi giggled. "Apparently it is."

"It's not funny, Xiao Yan Zi!" Yong Qi said, turning to her.

"I'm sorry, but it really kind of is."

Zhu Ying was looking between the two of them in confusion and apprehension. Xiao Yan Zi wondered what she could be thinking. Xiao Yan Zi thought that if Zhu Ying expected to run into anyone on her way out that day, or thought about the possibility of someone stopping her from washing down the river, she probably never expected fate to make that person to be the exact person she was trying to escape. Certainly, Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi never expected to meet her in this way either. Sometimes, Xiao Yan Zi had to wonder whether her life was just one long string of odd fateful meetings and coincidences that probably weren't coincidences at all.

"You are Tongjia Zhu Ying?" Yong Qi asked her, because apparently Xiao Yan Zi's introduction could not be trusted.

"Yes." Then, seeming to realise that she had yet to have any proper reaction to being introduced to Wu Ah Ge, she knelt down again, obviously with the intent to offer greetings.

"No – don't – this is awkward enough as it is, you don't have to – " Yong Qi said, while looking towards Xiao Yan Zi with an expression that clearly cried out for help. Xiao Yan Zi smiled and leaned down to help Zhu Ying stand up again. He continued, "I'm sorry if I'm feeling a little incoherent right now."

"You're not the only one," Xiao Yan Zi muttered.

"So, you were trying to drown yourself because – " Yong Qi asked slowly.

Zhu Ying looked panicked and could not answer. It was probably one thing to attempt drowning oneself to escape an undesired marriage with a prince, it was quite another to tell that prince so, even if he did just save her life. To other men, it would be quite the insult. To other princes, the consequences of such insult would be exactly what Zhu Ying so clearly feared, and more. So Xiao Yan Zi couldn't blame Zhu Ying for looking like she expected Yong Qi to bring a death sentence down on her just moments after saving her life.

"Because apparently drowning was preferable to marrying you," Xiao Yan Zi answered for her with an amused expression. Yong Qi glared at her half-heartedly.

Zhu Ying knelt down again, and spoke in a fearful voice that was desperately trying to keep calm, "Wu Ah Ge, I have gravely offended you – "

"Oh for goodness sake, can we please sit down so that you don't kneel at every little thing?" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed, flopping down on the grass and pulling Zhu Ying so that she fell out of her kneeling position and ended up sitting. Yong Qi slowly sank down next to them.

"Can we get something straight? I was serious when I said you not wanting to marry Wu Ah Ge is a good thing," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"And I will second that, but in a way that is not in any way insulting to you," Yong Qi said. Xiao Yan Zi was glad that he had recovered his wits enough to at least offer her a smile to show how very not offended he was.

Zhu Ying looked at them in turn, expression of sceptical amazement on her face, before finally cracking a weak smile.

"For the records, drowning yourself to avoid marrying me is a _terrible_ idea," Yong Qi said, his voice suddenly turning very serious. "If you had succeeded and I had to find out, I would never be able to forgive myself."

"To be honest with you, Wu Ah Ge, I was not thinking so much about it," Zhu Ying admitted. "I do not mean to cause you any distress."

"I know. But please also know that even if I was in favour of this arrangement that is being made for us, I would never be able to live with myself if I had to find out that you would do something so rash because you didn't feel the same."

"I don't understand," Xiao Yan Zi spoke up, "if you already have someone you love for years, why haven't you married or at least get engaged? It would then give you a reason to avoid being appointed a marriage."

Yong Qi had an expression on his face that meant she had said something very naïve and he didn't want to point it out to her, while Zhu Ying looked, surprised, from one to the other.

When Yong Qi would not say anything, she answered, "I couldn't! Young women of the Eight Banner clans are not allowed to marry without first going through the selection for the palace. Our family can only be free to decide our marriage if we've been eliminated for the inner court and not been appointed to marry…someone…"

Of course. Xiao Yan Zi had totally forgotten that such ridiculous requirement existed, to ensure that the emperor always had the first pick of girls of marriageable age within the Eight Banner clans. "_Riiiight_."

"And the man you were – " Yong Qi started, then trailed off when Xiao Yan Zi frowned pointedly at him.

"He died," Zhu Ying said softly.

Yong Qi let out a long breath. "I am sorry. I was going to say that it was possible, I would talk to Lao Fo Ye and Huang Shang on your behalf, but..."

Zhu Ying smiled weakly.

"I can't blame you for not thinking of my reaction to your death, because I realise this isn't really about me. But did you not consider the consequences to your family if you drowned yourself to get out of this marriage? It would be considered tantamount to rejecting an imperial edict and would ruin your entire family," Yong Qi said seriously.

"Honestly, today was…not a rational decision," Zhu Ying admitted.

"Please don't do it again," Yong Qi said earnestly. "I cannot deal with it and neither should your family have to."

"Especially now when we know that the reluctance for this marriage is mutual, so we can ask Huang Ah Ma and Lao Fo Ye to forget the idea, right?" Xiao Yan Zi said.

There was a brief pause that Xiao Yan Zi immediately realised meant nothing good.

"It doesn't work like that, Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi said slowly.

"_Why_?"

"Lao Fo Ye is determined on the idea, I don't think it will be possible to convince her to forget it, even with a reason like this. Since Tongjia Xiaojie and her family already are aware of Lao Fo Ye's wishes, it means that Huang Ah Ma has at least mentioned the whole thing to Wei Wu Daren, if not actually given an official order. Either way it's not something that Huang Ah Ma can retract."

"Is any of this supposed to be good news?" Xiao Yan Zi asked.

"No," Yong Qi said with a smile. "I thought we agreed though."

Xiao Yan Zi glanced at Zhu Ying, saying, "That was before I knew she _doesn't _want to marry you."

"I'm sorry, what did you agree on?" Zhu Ying asked.

"To obey Lao Fo Ye and accept this arrangement," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"So…you were willing to accept when you _didn't _know me, and for all you knew, could want this marriage like a normal person, but now that you know I _don't _want this marriage, you want to withdraw your acceptance?" Zhu Ying asked, confused.

"Yes," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"Clearly I'm not the only one seeing the contradictory nature of what you've just said, even if you do not," Yong Qi said.

"Well, in the former scenario, at least one of us would get something out of it. What would anyone get out of it now?"

"I'll tell you what you can get out of this," Yong Qi said, turning to Zhu Ying. "Even if we could somehow find a way to get out of _this _marriage, you will eventually have to marry _someone_, correct?"

"Yes," Zhu Ying admitted. "Though other people will be…easier to refuse."

"I'll give you that," Yong Qi said, smiling. "But from what I understand, you don't want to marry anyone. Or, to put it another way, it doesn't matter whom you marry."

Zhu Ying was still inhibited enough by her upbringing to not answer such a prompt directly and only gave them a tight smile.

"So we _could _find a way to get out this current arrangement, which would not be a loss to me at all, but a few months down the road you might end up having to marry someone else anyway, and forgive me, but considering your age, I think then your position in his household would most likely be quite low. People will then be wondering why on earth you passed up this opportunity for such a lesser one."

"Or…" Zhu Ying prompted.

Yong Qi looked smug. "Or, we go ahead and accept this current arrangement, and we don't do anything you don't want to do. You bring wealth, honour and glory to your family, all the while enjoying the prestige of the position could give you, and all that comes with it, and what will come with it hereafter."

Zhu Ying raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "What's in it for you?"

"I get to put Lao Fo Ye and Huang Shang's minds at ease and given a little breathing room when they no longer have to worry so much about my…future."

"It's all very convoluted and calculated," Xiao Yan Zi, who had so far remained quiet, suddenly said.

"Yes, it is. To be honest with you, Tongjia Xiaojie, we are under the same dilemma, where if it's not you, it will be someone else. Which, Xiao Yan Zi, is something you said yourself."

"And something you don't have to tell a girl you might marry," Xiao Yan Zi grumbled. For some reason, it made Zhu Ying chuckle.

"If I may be so bold and ask…"

"You may."

"Do forgive me if this is out of line," she said to Xiao Yan Zi, before turning to Yong Qi. "As far as I know, you already have two wives, why not confer one of them to the position of Di Fujin?"

"For certain reasons, I cannot agree to Chen Zhi Hua in the position," he said slowly.

"And for many reasons, Lao Fo Ye would not tolerate me in it," Xiao Yan Zi added, not particularly upset to admit it.

"So you're settling the conflict by agreeing to add a third element?"

"Contrary as it may seem, when it comes to orders from Lao Fo Ye, I don't have much liberty to agree or disagree to anything. One simply – "

" – obey."

"Exactly." There was a pause, and none of them spoke. Finally, Yong Qi said, "I know it's a lot to ask you to wrap your head around right away. I'm just saying, it's an option."

Zhu Ying pondered for a long time, then sighed.

"You were right. If we are being honest with ourselves, even though Huang Shang has yet to give an official order, he has spoken of it to my father, so our choice now is only how we choose to obey the order when it is given, not whether we can avoid it. Not unless we avoid it in the way I just tried, which I concur was extreme and foolish and would only end with my family crashing and burning."

Yong Qi caught Xiao Yan Zi's eyes, and she knew he was thinking of another way they could avoid this, and while it might not necessarily end in anyone _dying, _it would still leave a lot of people miserable. It wouldn't save Zhu Ying from an unwanted marriage in the long run either.

"I still think it's convoluted," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"And I'm not denying it. But Xiao Yan Zi, tell me, what's the disadvantage you're seeing here? And I'm not being sarcastic. If you have a problem with this, really, tell me."

She didn't, exactly. On the one hand, if she believed what Tongjia Zhu Ying's story, she was in love with someone else, someone she would never have, someone whom she loved so much that she would consider drowning herself to stay loyal to him. All this meant that she was, apparently, not a rival for Yong Qi's affection. It wasn't that she thought Yong Qi's affection was easily transferred; she just dreaded another Zhi Hua.

So far, it seemed that at least they had a better chance of being civil with each other than she and Zhi Hua ever had.

On the other hand, what was to say whatever feeling she had left for the man and the pain of losing him would not fade with time? What was to stop her developing feelings for Yong Qi later on, when she'd already be right where she needed to be? Then again, it wasn't as if that couldn't be the case with someone else.

"You don't wish to marry me at all, do you?" Zhu Ying asked, breaking Xiao Yan Zi out of her thoughts.

"Forgive me, but it's not personal at all."

Zhu Ying tilted her head. "Likewise."

In many ways, Xiao Yan Zi knew that the fact that they were having this very frank conversation was indication of the start of something far less destructive than the faux civility that had begun their acquaintance with Zhi Hua.

"Xiao Yan Zi?"

"Yes?"

"Problem?"

"I just don't want to…to give in to this set up!" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed, frustrated. "Why must either of you marry someone you don't want to?"

"The reasons are endless, but I suppose you are asking rhetorically," Zhu Ying said.

"Well, if that is how you feel, there is always that alternative plan – "

"What is that?" Zhu Ying asked.

"We leave all of this behind, the palace, the titles, everything, and start a new life together as normal people," Yong Qi replied simply.

Zhu Ying stared at them, astonished. "You would do that?" she asked, shocked.

Yong Qi shrugged lightly, "It's another option."

"Well, it's actually not," Xiao Yan Zi interrupted. To Yong Qi, she said, "You _know _why I can't let you do that."

"Well then."

Xiao Yan Zi glowered at no one in particular. Zhu Ying looked from one of them to the other.

"You are really not just indignant about this for yourselves, but for me as well?" she asked Xiao Yan Zi, surprised.

"Well, yes of course. It's not fair! It's one thing if you actually wanted this marriage, for whatever reason. As I said, then at least you would be getting something out of it. But you shouldn't have to accept it when you don't want to."

Zhu Ying sighed heavily. "If I have to be honest with myself, I have always known my marriage would be out of my hands, and should never have given my heart in the first place. But feelings are such peculiar things that would not be controlled…"

Yong Qi smiled. "Well, I think it's safe to say we are familiar with that particular problem."

"Fujin, I appreciate your concern for me," Zhu Ying said to Xiao Yan Zi. "But I should be resigned to a marriage against my choice by now."

"Yes, well, the keyword here is 'should'. And clearly you are not resigned, considering what you've just tried to do. So you can't tell me that if you are agreeing to it now, you are doing it willingly."

Zhu Ying sighed. "As I said, today was not a rational decision. I just spent too much time in my own head, thinking of what could have been…I lost my head and what I attempted was foolish. Now that you have snapped me out of it, I admit the consequences for my family would have been catastrophic and if I had succeeded, it would have been an extremely selfish success."

"That doesn't change the fact that you _don't _want this marriage," Xiao Yan Zi pressed.

"Yes, but at this point, any marriage that could be thought up for me would be one that I wouldn't want. But I cannot stay unmarried. If I were more mercenary, I would grab this one at the earliest opportunity. One cannot deny that it is the most advantageous."

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. She could not think of anything to counter what Zhu Ying just said. Zhu Ying wasn't unaware of the situation she was facing, nor was she in denial about anything. It made talking her out of accepting the arrangement to marry Yong Qi for her own good that much harder. That Yong Qi would not love her, she knew, and probably didn't want him to love her. That she would probably be miserable, she also knew, but she would be miserable marrying _anyone. _Xiao Yan Zi understood, even if she didn't want to accept it, that young women in Zhu Ying's position had few option in their lives other than marry, and marry well. How their lives turned out, whether to be spent in riches or in rags, would be decided by whom they marry.

"I don't want to be the one you look at, years from now, and hate, because I am the reason for your unhappiness," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"If my future _is_ to be unhappy, you would not be the reason for it," Zhu Ying answered. "I am clear-headed enough to place blame where it really is. And that is at fate's door."

"I suppose you are both right, that we have not much choice in this anyway. So as long as you are sure…" She didn't finish her sentence, but only finished with a terse nod. Yong Qi reached over the squeezed her hand. Her discomfort with the idea of walking into inevitable unhappy situations in the name of duty would never go away, but it seemed, to those like Zhu Ying, and perhaps Yong Qi should feel so too, it was only too natural.

Zhu Ying looked seriously up at Yong Qi.

"My heart is not free. I don't expect it ever to be," she said.

"Neither is mine. So I don't intend to pursue yours."

Yong Qi was totally focused on Zhu Ying now, but it was that which indicated to Xiao Yan Zi – which convinced her – that what he said was totally sincere and true, and not simply spoken because she was there.

"If…Oh, as if it's even a question of 'if'…" She trailed off, and neither Yong Qi nor Xiao Yan Zi interrupted her. She started again, "As far as the world is concerned, we will do this properly. I will do all that is expected of me: run your household, smile in public and praise you in all things, and all the duties that might come if and when your position changes. But when it is just us, I cannot do more than what my feelings allow."

"Would it be very rude to admit that what you just said is exactly what would be preferred?" Yong Qi asked with a slight smile.

"Not at all. If that is the case, I believe we can help each other."

* * *

"Are we doing the right thing?" Xiao Yan Zi asked. "Can we trust her?"

"Are you talking about Tongjia Zhu Ying?" Yong Qi asked, surprised.

"Yes!"

This conversation was already not making sense.

"I thought you liked her."

It had, at least, seemed like that was the case. After they had spoken by the river, so long that by the time they did finish and decided to each return home, their clothes had been dried by the sun. Even then, Xiao Yan Zi had insisted that they escorted Zhu Ying home, considering how she had sent her horse away.

"I do. I think. Maybe. I don't know."

"I don't understand. I know going through with this in this way was mostly my idea, but you agreed with it in the end. Or did I misunderstand something?"

"No. I do agree!" Xiao Yan Zi said earnestly. "I did. It's just…Zhi Hua said at the beginning that she didn't need your love either, but that didn't turn out so well…"

"I think this is slightly different. I don't think Zhu Ying deliberately set up her attempted suicide so that we can save her and she can earn our trust."

"I don't think so either. At least, I don't want to think so."

Xiao Yan Zi was pacing around, twisting her hands in her handkerchief. Yong Qi finally pulled her to stop in front of him. "Xiao Yan Zi, calm down. The wedding is tomorrow. I'm supposed to be the one panicking and getting cold feet. Not you."

"You're not panicking because you don't care. If it's not her, it would be someone else you care just as little about. But I actually want my first impression to be correct, Yong Qi. I want to like her. I don't want to find out a few months down the road that I can't trust her."

"There's no way to find that out other than actually spend that time with her, Xiao Yan Zi. That said, now that you have brought it up, promise me you will be careful around her, at first at least? It might seem callously suspicious, but I don't want us to take chances."

Xiao Yan Zi was quiet for a long time. Afterward, she looked up at him sorrowfully. "Is that how it's going to be? Being cautious and careful and holding back? It's not going stop, is it?"

Yong Qi brought a hand up to caress her cheek. Growing up in the palace, being on guard around people who were, even in the most miniscule way, in competition with you or wanting to harm you was like second nature to him. Even the years spent with Xiao Yan Zi, which did much to teach him the merits of relaxing and letting go of rigidity of the palace, could not unlearn him of habits developed over a life time. Caution was a necessary virtue of living in the imperial family. It was not one that Xiao Yan Zi took to readily or willingly. Yong Qi knew it was not because her life outside the palace was ever carefree. If anything, Xiao Yan Zi had more than her fair share of dangers in her life, but at least they were open dangers, not the cloaked daggers so often found in the palace. If people wished her harm outside the palace, they would be up-front about it, so in turn, Xiao Yan Zi had always been able to trust people who were nice to her before. It was no wonder that after coming into the palace and facing insincere smiles and pretty words that hid malicious motives, she thought cautiously was a bleak way to live.

"I know it's unpleasant, but unavoidable, at least at first. Xiao Yan Zi, I hope that we will be able to trust Zhu Ying as well. If she could protect you, or at least divert some hostility off you, then I would be grateful, as unfair as it would be for her."

Xiao Yan Zi smiled weakly.

Yong Qi took her hand and pulled her closer to him. "And Xiao Yan Zi, you know you will always have me. Before, we had to tread on eggshells around Zhi Hua because of the secret about your family. But now there's no secret. I would say I am now much freer to protect you, but I have a feeling you would say you don't need my protection and would be able to protect yourself."

That made her grin briefly.

It was true though. Yong Qi knew that Xiao Yan Zi could defend herself against any physical threat. But in this life, plots and schemes often ran deeper than just physical threats. Even he had difficulties seeing it while it was happening, now looking back, he could see the numerous ways Zhi Hua had managed to undermine Xiao Yan Zi while all the while looking like the righteous one. Xiao Yan Zi, with her straight-fowardness, habit of speaking her mind plainly, would often look less courteous than those who had ways with word like Zhi Hua.

"There's something else you should remember though," he said, knowing that she wasn't actually just having doubts about Zhu Ying. Not _really_. Zhu Ying was just a part, and it all summed up to something else, something he knew she needed reminding at that moment, but could not ask. And she should not have to ask.

"What's that?"

He cupped her face in his hand and placed light kisses on her face. "That I love _you_."

She smiled brightly upon hearing this, and leaned up to kiss him.


	3. Yu Fei

**Chapter 3: Yu Fei**

The day after his first meeting with Zhu Ying, Yong Qi found himself in the imperial study at Qian Qing Gong to tell the emperor that he would agree with Lao Fo Ye's request to marry the lady of the Tongjia clan as his primary consort.

It was a decision that two days earlier, Yong Qi did not think he would have made.

He had been sincerely ready to make good on his vow to Xiao Yan Zi, made years ago, that if things ever became desperate enough, he could give up his title and position as prince to ensure her happiness. Still, some part of him was grateful when she had done the unselfish thing and pointed out, with painful simplicity, that even if he could bring himself to leave the wealth and the prestige, to leave his father and his family, his duties and not an insignificant part of his honour, she could not allow him to leave his son.

Whatever selfish desires she might have, of course she could not bring herself to be the reason that Mian Yi lived without a father as she had done for most of her life. If she had the heart to do such thing, she wouldn't have been the Xiao Yan Zi that Yong Qi fell in love with. It didn't matter that Mian Yi would still have Zhi Hua, because Yong Qi, of all people, knew only too well what it was like to live with a mother burdened with the regrets of a spurned wife.

When the emotions had time to settle, Yong Qi found himself feeling the shame of having considered at all putting his own child through such a fate.

His father was shocked when Yong Qi came to tell him he accepted the marriage to Tongjia Zhu Ying. It was clear that the emperor had not expected Yong Qi to voluntarily accept the potential marriage, and had anticipated doing a lot more persuasive work.

But Yong Qi had met the lady herself, and it was a meeting most unlike anything he could have expected. Certainly he could not have predicted that they would end up agreeing that the very fact that both their hearts were occupied elsewhere might mean they could turn this arrangement into something that might work. If he hadn't just gone through all the processes of accepting this arrangement himself, he probably would have been just as shocked as his father at his own decision now.

He tried not to pay attention to the way his father briefly narrowed his eyes suspiciously, as if he thought Yong Qi was bluffing.

He wasn't, and he supposed eventually his father would realise that.

"Very well, I must say I am happy you have come to this decision," the emperor said. "However this came about, I must say, Yong Qi, a connection to the Tongjia family would be good in more than one way for you in the long run."

There was a pause where Yong Qi only nodded in acknowledgement of his words. He was far from ignorant of the advantages of being connected to such a power family, especially considering his mother's family afforded little advantage to him at all. Not that his father said that. Not that he ever spoke of Yong Qi's mother.

"Very well, I will have Ling Gui Fei and Jing Shi Fang make the necessary arrangements," the emperor said. "It will be well, Yong Qi."

Yong Qi managed a brief reassuring smile to his father. "Yes, thank you, Huang Ah Ma."

* * *

_Thank you, _Yong Qi had said. Qian Long was almost sure the words were spoken as an instinctive reaction more than anything else. He wasn't beyond understanding that there really was little that Yong Qi truly felt thankful about with this marriage. However, if he was accepting it, then Qian Long would not question how that resolution came about. He and Xiao Yan Zi would have to learn, eventually, how to live a life that only nominal belonged to them, to carve out the little slivers of time and space for personal pleasure when the rest of their lives must be devoted to much large considerations of duties.

Still, this whole idea of a match with the Tongjia family had required Qian Long to make even longer-term, wider-reaching considerations about Yong Qi's future. Until he thought upon the issue, he sometimes had almost forgotten that she existed. He knew, of course, that Yong Qi did not. Of course he did not; he could not. But for Qian Long, she had been quite literally out of sight, out of mind, which he supposed had been her purpose in taking herself away all along.

Time has washed away whatever anger he might have once held, and now he could only think of Yong Qi. Qian Long knew too well that Yong Qi had always felt keenly her absence, but he had grown into an exceptional prince and good son in spite of it. Whatever punishment she might have deserved, whatever the reason for this separation, it must be inconsequential now when Qian Long had his son and his empire's future to plan for.

It was he who had to bring her back, even if it meant exerting efforts to obfuscate the resulting loss of face. Still, the decision of it had to come from him. He could not leave Yong Qi to have to make it.

* * *

That day, Yong Qi was in his study when Xiao Shun Zi came in.

"Wang Ye, an imperial edict has arrived."

"An imperial edict?" Yong Qi asked, puzzled.

"Yes, Wang Ye. Li Yu Gong Gong awaits to deliver it himself to the whole household. I have already sent words to Yan Fujin and Chen Fujin."

What could this imperial edict be about? The one that officially decreed his marriage to Tongjia Zhu Ying had already been delivered the day before. That there was to be a new one so soon after seemed to make little sense. Nevertheless, Yong Qi stood up and made his way to the main receiving hall of his manor.

When he arrived, Yong Qi gave a tiny shrug in answer to Xiao Yan Zi's questioning gaze. The only thing he really knew was that the emperor's head eunuch Li Yu was extracted from his duties to deliver this edict, which meant it was a matter of utmost importance.

He knelt with Xiao Yan Zi and Zhi Hua on either side of him, and listened as Li Yu read.

_"In accordance with the Mandate from Heaven, the Emperor proclaims:_

_"In the thirteenth year of our reign, we gave approval for Yu Fei, née Keliyete, to leave the palace and retire to Bai Yun Si in order to pray for the departed soul of our beloved Empress Xiao Xian, and the prosperity of the empire…"_

Whatever Yong Qi expected the imperial edict to be about, he truly did not expect that it would concern his mother. His head almost jerked up to stare at Li Yu, before years of self-control forced him to keep it bowed. Still, he could not help but clench his hands together into fists at his sides and he swallowed a painful lump in his throat. Xiao Yan Zi turned her bowed head to furtively look at him with concern and he only managed to grimace in response.

Li Yu must know the turbulence in Yong Qi's heart. He read on.

_"These many years, Yu Fei has remained virtuous and irreproachable, and her piety in service of the peace of the empire is to be commended. Now, as Rong Qin Wang is to receive the Lady Tongjia as a primary consort, Yu Fei should return to the palace to receive the filial duties of her son and his wife. Thus, it is decreed that on the auspicious day of the fifteen day of the eleventh month of the twenty-ninth year of our reign, Yu Fei shall return to the palace and reassume her seat as head of Yong He Gong. Receive this grace."_

The silence after the proclamation seemed to ring in the air and Yong Qi found himself floundering to find his voice. In the end, though he sounded hoarse and unlike himself, he managed to thank the emperor for the imperial edict and held his hands up to receive the scroll from Li Yu. He was grateful, however, for Xiao Yan Zi's hand at his elbow as his stood up, as he wasn't sure he could feel his knees at all.

"Congratulations, Wang Ye," Zhi Hua said after Li Yu had departed and Yong Qi was left still holding the imperial edict in his hands. "Niang Niang's and your years of difficulties are finally over."

Yong Qi gave her a forced smile, but in truth he was still in a daze, hardly believing what had just happened.

He was forced to become more alert, however, when Xiao Yan Zi, now assured he wasn't about to collapse from the shock, stalked off, her face thunderous.

Yong Qi eventually found her in their bedroom, pacing angrily around the room.

"Why are you angry?" he asked, too drained from the effect of the imperial edict to bring himself to try and guess her mood.

"Why am _I _angry?" she demanded. "Why aren't _you_ angry?"

He just stared at her quietly. It did not make her any less annoyed. But he supposed, it was a good thing that she was clearly not angry at _him; _he would be equally hard pressed to figure out why if that had been the case.

"How long as it been? Nearly sixteen years!" Xiao Yan Zi cried. "All these years, has Huang Ah Ma once cared how E'niang is living, how she is faring? Has he ever asked? Never! But of course, he's the emperor, so with a flick of his hand, suddenly she's _virtuous _and_ pious _and _irreproachable_. Does Huang Ah Ma think these sixteen years had been a stroll in the garden? Does Huang Ah Ma somehow think these hollow words make up for everything that E'niang had to endure, that _you_ had to endure all these years? And now he just expects her to return to the inner palace as if nothing was ever wrong, as if she actually should rejoice in the prospect! What rubbish!"

"Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi said, unable to sound anything other than tired, "I am sure this imperial edict is meant in kindness."

"I am sure it is not!" she retorted. "I think Huang Ah Ma knows he and Lao Fo Ye has been pushing you with Tongjia Zhu Ying. Though you've told him you agree to marry her, I bet Huang Ah Ma doesn't think you're being sincere and wants to give you a reason to stay put. It's not as if you can run off with me while E'niang is in the palace, is it?"

He had…not thought about in that way. Or, really, he had had no time to think of it in that way. But now that she had mentioned it, the part of Yong Qi that could push aside loyalty to Huang Ah Ma and indulge in cynicism for the ways of the palace, had to agree with Xiao Yan Zi.

No, she was right, reinstating his mother to her position would ensure that Yong Qi could never dream of disowning his position and title. It wasn't just that his mother would never be able to leave the palace now and he would need to stay if he wished to do his filial duties. It was that, having been absent from the politics of the inner palace for over fifteen years, her reintroduction would create a huge wave among the imperial consorts. A new young consort entering the palace often threatened those who were already there because she could take away the emperor's affection and favour. Yu Fei probably would not do that, but she represented a threat still, re-entering the palace with a grown son. The other consorts would see this as even bigger of an insult, and the only source of protection she had in the face of all of this was him. Only with him around that his father's other concubines would feel they could not unleash the full dangers of their jealousies. Of course he had to stay now; he'd be throwing his mother to the wolves otherwise.

Leaving was no longer an option.

Yong Qi knew the fact that they were now anchored wasn't exactly what was making Xiao Yan Zi so angry. After all, it had been she who decided that they should stay, for Mian Yi's sake. No, Xiao Yan Zi was genuinely indignant because of the way Huang Ah Ma was using E'niang as a chess piece. He really didn't expect any less from her.

Yong Qi couldn't afford to dwell on thoughts like this. Not now, not when it would be hard enough for E'niang to adjust to the palace without having to pick up on his resentments.

So he said to Xiao Yan Zi, "I'm not saying you're wrong, but what does it matter?"

"What does it matter?" Xiao Yan Zi cried. "It matters a lot!"

"No, it doesn't, Xiao Yan Zi," Yong Qi countered. "I don't want to think like that. I can't think like that anymore. I just want to take this imperial edict in the spirit that it was intended to be. No matter Huang Ah Ma's reasons, this is happening, so can we not pick it apart and let's just make the best of it. All right?"

Xiao Yan Zi saw his weary patience, stared at him for a moment, before deflating. She let out a huff of a breath. "All right," she agreed, still sounding very annoyed, but he was thankful when she let the subject drop. Between them, at least.

* * *

"It's is not only that Huang Shang wishes to give Yong Qi a reason to stay," Qing Er said to Xiao Yan Zi the next day as they stepped into Yong He Gong.

Though officially Ling Gui Fei was in charge of preparing the palace for Yu Fei's arrival, she had asked Xiao Yan Zi to have a look when she visited that day. On the way from Yan Xi Gong to Yong He Gong, Xiao Yan Zi had come across Qing Er and couldn't help airing some of her displeasure with the way this return was coming about.

"I mean, it is _a _reason," Qing Er said, "but that is only in the short term. I think Huang Shang is making this move for a more long-term goal."

"What long term goal?" Xiao Yan Zi snapped.

Qing Er looked around and even though the courtyard was deserted, and there was no one but the two of them with their most trusted maids about, she pulled Xiao Yan Zi closer. Her words were spoken in a whisper. "One cannot make a demoted consort who lives as a commoner into the empress dowager."

"What?" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed, more loudly than she ought. Qing Er gave her a pointed look. Xiao Yan Zi's eyes widened. She forced herself to lower her voice. "You think that Huang Ah Ma wishes to make Yong Qi the crown prince?"

"If I dare, I would say it is a sure thing, especially after what happened with Si Ah Ge," Qing Er said. She took Xiao Yan Zi's arm and led her into the main hall. They would need to make note of all the things that needed repairing and what was missing from the palace to ensure it was a liveable place and report back to Ling Gui Fei.

"Si Ah Ge? What does Si Ah Ge have anything to do with this?"

"You know that he caused a scene at the state banquet last year, right? And that he was adopted as Lu Qin Wang's grandson just before the old prince died and has now inherited the title?"

"Yes," Xiao Yan Zi said slowly. Not for the first time, she was overtaken by the feeling that she was grasping at air, ignorant of some matter of politics that apparently everyone in the palace knew. "Still, what does that have anything to do with anything?"

"You wouldn't know, because you spend so much time with Wu Ah Ge, but for many years, Huang Shang's most favoured son was actually Si Ah Ge. He was the first prince born after Huang Shang's ascension to the throne, so his position was always quite prestigious. Wu Ah Ge gave him quite a run for his money as he got older, of course, and in terms of talents, they are quite closely matched. But Si Ah Ge always also had the advantage of his mother having been consistently one of Huang Shang's most favoured consort, partly because she was so blessed with sons. If Si Ah Ge didn't get arrogant and caused Huang Shang such great embarrassment in a state banquet, I doubt Huang Shang would have made him inherit out of the emperor's line.

"Si Ah Ge is not eligible for the throne now, of course. But because he has lost face and favour, it has implicated the standing of his brothers of the same mother, Ba Ah Ge and Shi Yi Ah Ge, as well. Liu Ah Ge was shifted off to become Prince Shen's adopted grandson to inherit his title also because his full brother San Ah Ge fell from grace. With so many of the princes now officially or unofficially unavailable, Huang Shang doesn't have many choices left and Yong Qi is the only one fully grown. So this decision with Yu Fei Niang Niang is actually quite pointed."

"Doesn't Huang Ah Ma still have Shi Er Ah Ge?" Xiao Yan Zi grumbled. "Doesn't he take precedence?"

"As the son of the empress, usually he would. But really, Xiao Yan Zi, after what happened to Lady Ulanara, do you think Shi Er Ah Ge even has a chance?"

Xiao Yan Zi pursed her lips.

"Of course, even if the other princes were in consideration," Qing Er said, "Wu Ah Ge is still Huang Shang's best choice, and I think at this stage, many would agree. So while I do understand your anger at what seems like cold calculation on Huang Shang's part in reinstating Yu Fei, he is also trying to clear the way for Yong Qi."

"And that isn't a calculated move?"

"It is, but it is also done out of fatherly concern. Huang Shang does not wish to leave Yong Qi to make the decision, because that would burden him with the dilemma that if he did his duties to his mother, it could also be seen as defying his father."

Xiao Yan Zi was not necessarily convinced, but perhaps Yong Qi had been right. It didn't matter. It was happening. While she was convinced that she was right to be angry – and neither Yong Qi nor Qing Er had precisely disagreed – it was clear that the only thing her anger had achieved was to make Yong Qi feel even more conflicted about the whole thing. It wasn't as if she wished Huang Ah Ma would take back the imperial edict, really. She wasn't even sure the whole of her anger was directed at Huang Ah Ma. Perhaps it was more directed at the perverse ways this life, this palace, always seemed to twist even the most simple of familial relationships into something murky and political.

Still, she _was _happy that Yong Qi would now be able to more openly care for his mother. The fact that the only way for him to do that was for her to return to the firepit that was the inner palace just rubbed her all the wrong ways.

* * *

Yu Fei retuned to the palace, as expected, to the hostile, subtle and not-so-subtle, stares of many the inner palace. She was, technically, the second-highest-ranking consort, by virtue of being the longest-serving, positioned just below Ling Gui Fei. She even had a distinction over Ling Gui Fei in that she had served the emperor since he was a prince, an honour now only shared with unfavoured Wan Pin and the disgraced Empress Ulanara. That she had no wish to pull rank did not matter to those who were unhappy, feeling that their positions were being usurped.

However, no one could say anything overtly or openly disrespectful, because Ling Gui Fei, who was now in charge of the affairs of the inner palace, made clear from the first gathering after Yu Fei returned of her sincere respect and support.

"I should kneel and thank you for all that you have done for Yong Qi these many years," Yu Fei said, when she was able to speak to Ling Gui Fei alone.

"What are you saying? I only did what I should, and Yong Qi is a good child. He has been kind to my own children over the years," Ling Gui Fei said. "I am only sorry you and he missed so much time together."

"Well, I am here now. I confess, when the imperial edict came, I wasn't sure whether it was a blessing or a curse. But having thought about it, I can only tell myself to be glad that Yong Qi will be free to visit me from now on. Whatever else comes, at least I can be there to support him."

"Yes, and I think he will need that, for what is to come."

* * *

The inner palace, with all its swordless wars and competitions, was a place where rivalries and alliances formed or fell apart with regularity. Yong Qi did not think, after all her time away from the palace at an abbey following the teachings of the Buddha, that his mother was interested in joining any faction. Of course, that didn't mean that the factions didn't form themselves around her, as he found out by unsettling surprise one day.

He was making his way through the imperial garden, heading towards Yong He Gong, to greet his mother, when he encountered Qing Fei.

"I am surprised to see Rong Qin Wang in the inner palace so often lately," Qing Fei said after he had greeted her. "Of course, I understand the draw, but you must not worry that we old ladies are bullying Yu Fei Jiejie that you must check up on her."

"Of course I dare not think so, Qing Fei Niang Niang," Yong Qi said. "I hope you do not think that when I pay respect to my mother that I am checking if she has suffered mistreatments. I merely seek to ask after her health, as my filial duties dictate."

"Your filial duties, indeed. I never saw you so attentive to your filial duties to Ling Gui Fei Niang Niang before and yet she helped raised you. Yet you so often left paying respects to her to your ladies, I believe, and rarely deigned to go yourself."

Yong Qi could, of course, explain that, before, he left Xiao Yan Zi, and now more recently, Zhu Ying as well, to pay respect to Ling Gui Fei because they enjoyed each other's company. One can be _too _attentive to a high-ranking consort such as Ling Gui Fei, and if he had doubled up efforts to pay daily respect to Ling Gui Fei as well as his wives, Qing Fei would be accusing them all of currying favour with the noble consort now.

He didn't think that Qing Fei was looking for an explanation, though, so he did not give it. Instead, he was trying to find a segue to change the topic, or alternatively, reason to escape Qing Fei, when someone rounded the corner.

"Really, Qing Fei, I'm not sure you should be lecturing anyone else's child," Ying Fei said. "Not when the totality of your mothering experience is taking care of Shi Wu Ah Ge and Shi Qi Ah Ge for two months when Ling Gui Fei Niang Niang was sick."

She nodded cordially to Yong Qi's greeting, before turning back to Qing Fei.

"I'm sure you would not wish Huang Shang to hear that you think it is somehow _wrong _for Rong Qin Wang to pay daily respect to his own birth mother? Filial piety is a quintessential Han value, how is it that a Han woman like yourself understand it even less than I?"

Qing Fei huffed, but clearly was uninterested in an argument with Ying Fei, because she left, looking peeved.

Yong Qi gave Ying Fei a bow and said, "Yong Qi thanks Ying Fei Niang Niang for your assistance. But I believe I could have managed Qing Fei Niang Niang's queries myself."

"I am sure Rong Qin Wang is very capable," Ying Fei said. "But I am rather offended that you would think I should not help you."

"I beg Ying Fei Niang Niang's pardon, I did not mean any offense."

Silently, he genuinely did wonder why Ying Fei went out of her way to speak for him, when they had barely interacted before. She couldn't have just wanted to exchange barbs with Qing Fei, not when the conversation was so short. She could have merrily gone on her way. He wasn't a child in need of rescuing. Whatever censures or pointed comments Qing Fei could make, it wasn't as if she could genuinely hurt or harm him.

"Well, I am sure I forgive you," Ying Fei said. "But you must remember, though the Mongolian consorts in the palace have always enjoyed much favour from Huang Shang, alas, your mother is the only one who had the fortune to have a child grown. Now that Huang Shang has been pleased enough to restore the honours of her position to her, of course we must all stand together to support you both. How could I, a daughter of the mighty Barin line, allow someone without a shred of prestige in her family line such as Qing Fei try to lord her insignificant position over you?"

So, there it was. Given the way Ying Fei had developed her own circle of exclusively Mongolian consorts and concubines in the palace over the years, he really shouldn't have been surprised that she wished now to include his mother in it. Of course, because his mother had him, she would be an asset to them, even if she might not have an interest in joining them. Likely, as far as the rest of the inner palace was concerned, she was probably automatically part of that circle merely by virtue of her surname alone.

Then again, aside from protection from Ling Gui Fei, having the additional support from the brash and outspoken Ying Fei and her circle was not necessarily a bad thing, either. They didn't have any motive to stab her in the back. Besides, Yong Qi was far from ignorant that Ying Fei was offering more than just support for his mother in the inner palace. No, she had entire Mongolian tribes behind her and thus their armies at her disposal.

As Yong Qi bowed before her to thank her again, and bid her to visit with his mother if she had time, he couldn't help but wonder that, if Ying Fei had been fortunate enough to have a son, what different, dangerous and hostile direction this day's encounter would have gone.


	4. Zhu Ying

**Chapter 4: Zhu Ying**

The wedding with Zhu Ying went as well Yong Qi could have expected. Which was to say, not _well, _just uncomfortable.

He no longer had the optimism to even wildly hope that it would be Xiao Yan Zi under the red veil. So when he reached over the lift it off her face, it was with a suppressed sigh of resignation and a grim face.

She was dry-eyed, and Yong Qi couldn't decide whether that was more comforting than Zhi Hua's tear-streaked face had been. Yet despite the fact she might not be shedding tears at that moment, it was still clear through the make-up that she did not have peaceful nights in the days previous. Her hands were gripped tightly together on her lap from the moment she entered the room and was led to sit down on the edge of the bed. Now that the tray bearing their wedding wine was held in front of them, it seemed as if it took herculean effort for her to raise her hand to take the offered cup.

There was a brief moment of hesitation, when their arms were entwined with the cups of wine on their lips. He could feel her whole body stiffen, as if bracing herself. For a moment, he wondered if that was the end of her ability to hold back tears. Their eyes met, and he hoped he looked at least somewhat comforting. The tears didn't fall, however, and she just downed the wine in one gulp and dropped the cup back on the tray as if it were glowing coal. Her hands went back to gripping each other as the maid tied the ends of their robes together. This knot Zhu Ying immediately untied as soon as the doors closed after the last maid and they were left alone.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice threatening to crack, and walked rapidly to the middle of the room, away from him.

Yong Qi could only smile weakly to himself and stood up, picking up the folding screen near the bed and stood it in front of the door.

"Experience, both pleasant and unpleasant, has taught me to not give anyone the chance to spy on us," he answered Zhu Ying's silent, enquiring look.

She looked absolutely miserable, standing there in the middle of the room, looking around all the cheerful red gloomily. In that moment, Yong Qi felt a twinge of guilt that he was wary at all of the sincerity of her words by the river. He didn't think that her current distress could be fabricated, nor the flat indifference in her next words.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to," she said.

"You want me to go?"

"I'm saying I wouldn't mind."

She probably would have preferred it if he left. Surely it would allow her to let her guards down a little and cry. However, the expression on her face told Yong Qi that she was not about to say such thing out loud.

Yong Qi took the few steps to stand before her. "Even if it would not be a loss to us for me to leave now, it would be a loss to your dignity and would make you a laughing stock in front of the servants, and more people if it gets out. If you want us to put up a proper front, then I cannot leave."

She looked at him for a moment, almost as if judging whether there were any underlying meanings or demands to his words. Then, after a long time, when he made no move to touch her, she nodded.

His staying was necessary, but intimacy was not an option, as far as both of them were concerned. As much as the way they approached this marriage had been a mutual agreement, there could not help be an awkwardness and uncomfortable tension between them now that they were alone together. He knew, as much as he told Xiao Yan Zi to not take Zhu Ying's words at face value implicitly, Zhu Ying herself probably drew the same conclusion about them. It would take time for both sides to realise just how very sincere those confessions by the river were. Yong Qi did not mind the wait and would welcome the moment of realisation.

For now, however, it looked to be a long night, not much better than how he had fared the last time with Zhi Hua.

* * *

The next morning was one of the more uncomfortable ones in Xiao Yan Zi's life.

Yong Qi had gone into the palace. Xiao Yan Zi hovered and procrastinated in her chambers before she could take a deep breath and went to do what was needed: pay respects to Zhu Ying.

_Di Fujin._

Meeting Zhu Ying beforehand was useful in knowing what kind of person she was, but if truth be told, it made Xiao Yan Zi no more or less enthusiastic about the entire concept of her, in her current position. It was nothing personal against Tongjia Zhu Ying herself, yet at the same time it felt like it was. The contradiction of her feelings was confusing and making her paranoid, even without Yong Qi's advice for caution.

Still, the rituals that morning were necessary, and Xiao Yan Zi could not afford to be discourteous and ignore them. If they were truly to put forward an image of harmony in this household, to seem as boring as possible to avoid thousands of prying eyes, it was best to avoid unsavoury gossip as much as possible. And for that, Zhu Ying was to be treated with all the respects demanded of the new Di Fujin.

Xiao Yan Zi encountered Zhi Hua on the way to Zhu Ying's rooms. She looked visibly annoyed, which for Zhi Hua, must mean that she was very upset indeed about the night before and what they had to do now.

"Jiejie," was her very terse greeting to Xiao Yan Zi, who wisely didn't provoke her further by speaking any more than the required mutual greeting.

Approaching the new Di Fujin's chambers to greet her alongside Zhi Hua was an odd feeling to say the least. It should be one of those rare moments when Xiao Yan Zi should be able to sympathise with Zhi Hua, but it was not quite the case. She knew part of Zhi Hua's disappointment was the loss of a position she thought was sure to be hers rather than the addition of a new rival.

That was not to say that Xiao Yan Zi didn't feel the bitterness of the phrase "Di Fujin jixiang" on her own lips, nor did she enjoy the feeling of bruised pride that she also could not quite help on facing Tongjia Zhu Ying.

Zhu Ying, to her own credit, seemed to understand that she was infringing on both their rights. She gamely received their greetings and after that, was civil in a way that could not be faulted.

Zhi Hua begged a headache and left soon after all the ceremonies were over. Xiao Yan Zi stayed a little longer, only because staying was a better option than leaving with Zhi Hua. What followed was a conversation that seemed to consist of half a dozen different subjects because neither of them quite knew how to navigate this situation they suddenly found themselves in, a situation they both thought they had prepared for, but were not.

After a while, Zhu Ying said, "You really don't have to call me Jiejie. You can just call me Zhu Ying."

The fact that Zhu Ying had just unwittingly repeated nearly verbatim what Xiao Yan Zi once said to Zhi Hua made Xiao Yan Zi become momentarily speechless. The two circumstances were similar, but yet the atmosphere was not the same at all. Between Zhi Hua and Xiao Yan Zi, the words were said with hostility bubbling under the surface, with only a thin sliver of insincere civility keeping it in check. Today, Zhu Ying's words were said in tentative earnest.

"After all, you are older than me, if anyone deserves the title, it is you."

"That is not something you need to remind me," Xiao Yan Zi said, nearly smiling. "And you did say, you want things to look proper from the outside, regardless of what actually happens between us. So I suppose to the world, I cannot avoid calling you that."

"Then perhaps, only when there is someone observing who is worth putting on a show for," Zhu Ying agreed. "Otherwise, I would much rather you call me by my name."

"Very well, Zhu Ying."

* * *

Zhu Ying knew that the Xiao Yan Zi who spoke to her that morning was not the one who comforted her and taught her to think more clearly by the river. This Xiao Yan Zi was holding back, wary, and clearly uncomfortable, but Zhu Ying could understand the change in attitude quite easily. Xiao Yan Zi might have acted relieved and relaxed the first time they met at the information that Zhu Ying had no intention to compete for Wang Ye's heart, she probably would still rather Zhu Ying never set foot in Rong Wang Fu in this capacity ever.

Xiao Yan Zi's reserve that morning was similar to Wang Ye's the night before. He had been plain-speaking enough at the river bank. He still was, the night before, but there was still a hesitant edge to everything he said, as if he was afraid of offending her and showing her too much concern at the same time. It was an awkwardness that she had let him handle alone, because mentally prepared as she was, last night still took a toll on her emotions and she needed every fiber of her strength to not give in to the pain her heart was threatening.

Still, unlike the need to keep emotional distance from Wang Ye, Zhu Ying didn't want to do the same with Xiao Yan Zi. For one thing, now that she was here, it would be good to have a friend, or at least, an ally. At the moment, Xiao Yan Zi seemed like the best bet. Zhi Hua was resentful, but then she did just have her promised position more or less stolen from her, and Zhu Ying was the culprit. While Zhu Ying would like to one day come to a civil relationship with Zhi Hua, she didn't think the road to a peaceful existence in this household was through intimacy with her. Calculated as it might seem, the truth was, Wang Ye loved Xiao Yan Zi, and getting Xiao Yan Zi to at least respect her was the way to earn Wang Ye's respect. It was this which Zhu Ying desired more than his affection if they were to spend the rest of their lives together.

So she made small talks, but didn't push when Xiao Yan Zi did not seem too eager to open up. Theirs was an odd and precarious relationship and Zhu Ying saw the merits of giving distance to make sensible assessment and judgement of each other. The days were long, and trust given too easily may be too easily lost. Zhu Ying was sure the affinity she felt at the river that allowed her to confide to Xiao Yan Zi wasn't a one-way feeling; Xiao Yan Zi had felt it too. Zhu Ying would wait until Xiao Yan Zi was over her doubts to allow herself to feel that again, and open up the road for them to be better friends than they currently were.

* * *

"Maybe after Zhi Hua, I was bracing myself for the worst, but she's…surprisingly pleasant," Yong Qi told An Ran a few days after the wedding. There was a pause. "I like her."

For a moment, he looked genuinely shocked at what he just admitted, as if it was the first time he realised it too. An Ran almost laughed at the comically baffled expression on his face.

Then, still looking as if he didn't know what to make of the entire situation, he continued, "I mean, she's very nice and…undemanding. That sounds so selfish, I like her because she doesn't make inconvenient demands on me, but…"

There was another pause.

He shook his head. "This is so very confusing."

"Why?" An Ran asked, smiling.

"I didn't expect to like her."

"Clearly," she answered dryly.

"It honestly feels like being around Zi Wei. It's very odd."

* * *

In many ways, Zhu Ying was a good addition to Rong Wang Fu.

She acted almost as a buffer between Zhi Hua and Xiao Yan Zi, forcing Zhi Hua to direct at least some of her competitive energy towards Zhu Ying. Apparently, somehow, Zhi Hua had come to decide that Zhu Ying was currently a bigger threat than Xiao Yan Zi, probably mostly because no one really knew what she wanted out of this marriage. At least with Xiao Yan Zi, Zhi Hua knew what she was dealing with. Zhu Ying was competition for Lao Fo Ye's favour as well as Yong Qi's.

As far as Yong Qi was concerned, anything that took Zhi Hua's mind off Xiao Yan Zi was a good thing.

For her part, Zhu Ying hardly seemed to notice the resentful undercurrents that Zhi Hua threw her way, or that Xiao Yan Zi was being so very cautious around her to the point of avoiding her. She didn't go out to seek out Xiao Yan Zi, but when they did cross path, everything was so _pleasant _on her part that Yong Qi felt like he should be waiting for the second shoe to drop. Still, it did not.

Yong Qi didn't come to truly appreciate Zhu Ying's understanding and astute navigation of the household politics until, about a month after the wedding, the emperor sent him on an assignment to oversee the collection of salt tax in Shanxi.

"Lao Fo Ye suggested that given this assignment is likely to take some time, I should give you permission to bring a lady of your household with you to take care of you," the emperor also added to Yong Qi in their final meeting to discuss the assignment.

Surely neither Huang Ah Ma nor Lao Fo Ye could feel that this hint was subtle in any way.

Yong Qi answered, "Huang Ah Ma, I would not dare dream of demanding such luxury. This trip is crucial and I am quite prepared to do my duties. It would only be a couple of months."

"Yes, it would, and the work _is _important, but it need not be uncomfortable, either." There was no hint of pressure or expectation in the emperor's voice. Yong Qi was surprised by this, but also thankful. "You may bring someone with you, Yong Qi. Of course, Lao Fo Ye made this suggestion with a particular person in mind, and you cannot fail to understand who she means. In reality, however, whoever you bring is your business. I shall not interfere."

* * *

An hour later, Yong Qi found himself in the carriage making its way back to Rong Wang Fu with Zhu Ying, who had also entered the palace to pay respect to Lao Fo Ye.

"Lao Fo Ye told me earlier that Huang Shang as approved for you to take someone with you when you leave to assess the salt tax situation," she said, before he could even bring the subject up himself.

Yong Qi nodded. "That's right."

"If I may - ?"

"Yes?"

"I think you should take Xiao Yan Zi with you."

Yong Qi wasn't surprised that she might not wish to go with him herself, but he was surprised that she would make such a decided suggestion that Xiao Yan Zi should go in her stead.

"You know that is not who Lao Fo Ye had in mind," he said mildly.

"No," she agreed, "but you would be far happier if Xiao Yan Zi accompanies you, and that is the point of having someone accompany you at all."

"Zhu Ying, you should know, I was planning to defer to Lao Fo Ye on this."

Apparently, she was surprised that he was not immediately rejoicing at her offer that Xiao Yan Zi should accompany him. "Why?"

Yong Qi sighed. "Lao Fo Ye gave the suggestion to Huang Ah Ma specifically because she wants me to bring you. I do not wish to challenge her unnecessarily and thus give her more reason to make life difficult for Xiao Yan Zi later."

"Lao Fo Ye means well for me, that I accept," she said sincerely. "But I respectfully decline the opportunity and think it would be far better for all of us if you were to bring Xiao Yan Zi. Once you have left, I will manage Lao Fo Ye's disappointment, and you need not worry too much about Lao Fo Ye making things difficult for Xiao Yan Zi either."

"I need not?"

"I will tell Lao Fo Ye that I have just only recently married into your manor, and wish to use this time to familiarise myself with its management and staff, and with you away. With you both away, the household would be reduced, I would have time to do this while not needing to worry about disrupting the flow of the household or not doing my duties to you." Perhaps she saw him expressing doubt that Lao Fo Ye would even buy this flimsy excuse, because she added, "This is not untrue. Even if Lao Fo Ye wishes to protest, she cannot say that this goal is out of place, either. As for how it would affect Xiao Yan Zi, she is more removed from the palace now that I am here, so I don't think there is much that Lao Fo Ye could really do that would make things truly bad for her. It might get uncomfortable at gatherings, perhaps, but I think Xiao Yan Zi could bear it well enough, particularly if you get these couple of months together. Truthfully, I think it is important that you bring Xiao Yan Zi with you."

"I do not deny that it would bring me great pleasure to have Xiao Yan Zi accompany me," Yong Qi said, "but I would not have gone so far as to say it was important."

"Oh but it is, Wang Ye!" Zhu Ying exclaimed. Yong Qi raised an inquisitive eyebrow, causing her to explain further. "Ever since my arrival, I know I have created a certain disturbance in the household. Regardless of our earlier meeting, which gave you and Xiao Yan Zi a certain understanding of the matters of my heart, my presence is still an unpleasant reminder for Xiao Yan Zi that Lao Fo Ye does not think she is enough for you. No matter how understanding she tries to be, no matter how much you both love each other, these kinds of things do weigh down on your relationship and can be detrimental in the long run. The only thing my accompanying you would achieve is an appeasement of Lao Fo Ye's sensibility while taxing Xiao Yan Zi's patience even further for next to nothing. Instead, taking Xiao Yan Zi with you can give you both I am sure what is much needed time alone, which can strengthen your relationship."

Yong Qi was not entirely shocked that Zhu Ying was so aware of the tension within the household. After all, she lived it as much as he or Xiao Yan Zi did. But that she should understand how such tension would in turn weigh on him and Xiao Yan Zi, and wish to help them lessen the strain, was a surprise – a rather pleasant one that he appreciated wholeheartedly.

"You know, not many people would say that appeasing Lao Fo Ye is insignificant."

"In some things, it is important to obey Lao Fo Ye, of course. But in this situation, Wang Ye, you are the one who must live your life. Lao Fo Ye cannot live it for you. And no matter how great your and Xiao Yan Zi's love, it can still come under strains, which it undoubtedly has. You both need to take effort to nurture it, and this is the very opportunity that you should not give up."

He sat in quiet contemplation of her words for a moment. Then, he said, "If Lao Fo Ye heard this, she would probably commend you for your noble sacrifice."

"I am neither being noble nor sacrificing," Zhu Ying protested earnestly. "If anything, I am very much thinking of myself."

"You are looking forward to not having to face me every single day?" he asked, only half-teasing.

"Not at all. I am looking forward to being able to face Xiao Yan Zi every single day."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, just as Lao Fo Ye cannot live your life for you, neither can she live mine for me. I would be of no use to you if I went on this trip, and at the same time, I am still need to manage my relationships here at Rong Wang Fu. I have to be able to look Xiao Yan Zi and Zhi Hua in the eyes every day. I will have to figure out how to manage things with Zhi Hua, but where Xiao Yan Zi is concerned, I need not make things more difficult for myself by taking this trip and challenging her tolerance of me."

"You must have only learnt of this development when you visited Lao Fo Ye earlier, but you seem to have given it a lot of thorough thoughts," he commented after another moment of silence.

"I have enough understanding, I hope, to think rationally about how to make the best of what I have," she answered. "I would not have you think that I am prone to the hysterical desperation of our first meeting. It was, as I realised immediately after, a moment rather unlike me."

Her voice had gone soft as she recalled her lowest moment. Yong Qi wished to offer some word of comfort, but wasn't sure she wanted the opening to dwell further on it, so he said nothing.

There was a sigh, but when Zhu Ying spoke again, it was with a much more determined tone. "In any case, now that you and I find ourselves here, I want us to succeed. It's not going to be in the way people expect of us, or imagine for us, but I think Wang Ye and I understand our own feelings enough to define the success of our marriage for ourselves."

"You are quite right, of course." In that moment, Yong Qi could not help but be grateful for the confirmation that his and Xiao Yan Zi's impression of her upon their first meeting had not been deceived.

* * *

The precious two months that Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi managed to have blissfully alone together was reminiscent of their first year of marriage. It was a haven from all the upheavals fate had deemed appropriate to heap upon them only months after the birth of their first child. As they found moments between Yong Qi's work to bask in each other's company, he couldn't help but welcome this reminder of the happiness that their marriage could bring. It was, as Zhu Ying had so perceptively realised, a sorely needed balm of escape for their relationship, and allowed Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi to rekindle the closeness that had been so relentlessly challenged in the last few years.

It was with profound reluctance that they returned to Beijing, but eventually, return they must. And just as winter swept the capital unexpectedly out of season one month after their return, tragedy once again overtook their lives with equal swiftness.

Apparently, the average amount of time it took for Yong Qi's life to fall apart was three days. Last time, three days passed between their first finding out the truth about Xiao Yan Zi's family and his very reluctant marriage to Zhi Hua.

This time, it took three days for Mian Zhang to fall suddenly, frighteningly ill and died just as suddenly. Everything took them so unexpectedly that when the physician announced that it was all over, Xiao Yan Zi refused to believe it and clung onto their child, as if holding on could bring him back.

It was with excruciating pain and many tears that Yong Qi finally convinced her to let go. She clung to him instead, her hands gripping his shirt tightly as she shook with sobs in his arms. He could only murmur words that he knew would have no use in comforting either her or himself. It wasn't until much later, when everything numbed a little, that he realised that this must be what a parent's worst nightmare felt like, and he was living it.

It was not all over yet, however. As he was leading Xiao Yan Zi to the bedroom in hope of persuading her to get some rest that he didn't exactly expect her to agree to, her knees suddenly buckled under her and she fainted.

"Xiao Yan Zi!"

He swept her into his arms and carried her into the room and placed her on the bed, while rapidly ordering for the servants to call back the physician. As he pulled his hand away from under her knees, for the first time he noticed that it felt wet and sticky. As the sight of red assaulted him, the room also seemed to suddenly fill with the smell of blood and he only vaguely heard Ming Yue and Cai Xia's suppressed screams next to them.

He took one look at her pallid form on the bed, turned to Ming Yue and had to resist the urge to grab her and shake her.

"Is she pregnant?" he demanded, barely holding back his panic and dread.

"I – I – I don't know," Ming Yue said, looking distressed. "She hasn't mentioned – "

He let out a shaky breath and sat down on the edge of the bed. He didn't think he could continue standing at that moment. Clenching his hand into a fist, he bit his lip to stop an anguish cry from escaping. He didn't need the physician here to know how things would be.

Not looking up at Ming Yue, Cai Xia, he said through gritted teeth, "If she didn't know, then she is not to know. Understood?"

There was a shocked silence, then Cai Xia spoke tentatively, "Wang Ye, you would not tell her - ?"

"No. Not if I can help it. Not after this."

They probably would have protested, if the physician did not choose that moment to arrive. There was nothing that could be done, however, except the expected advice for rest that the reassurance that with time and care, she would recover.

_Physically, perhaps, _Yong Qi thought, when they had retreated, leaving behind a prescription. Emotional recovery would be an uphill battle, for them both.

He let out a shaky breath and could only be grateful that Ming Yue and Cai Xia had left them alone. Reaching out, he stroked her hair softly, wanting to hold her and just cry with her. They would have enough to cry about even without this second loss on top of the first fresh one. It was only fear of waking her that kept him from breaking down at that moment. He couldn't bear to leave the sight of her now to go somewhere that would allow him to release his emotions and pain.

He knew that Ming Yue and Cai Xia disagreed with his wish to not tell her about this miscarriage, and his intention only to tell her that it was just the exhaustion on top of everything that made her collapse. Likely she would punch him as well if she knew he kept such information from her. Still, he didn't think could bear to put the knowledge of that pain of her now, not when she was already this broken over Mian Zhang.

Xiao Yan Zi came to much too soon for his liking, but at least she would not wonder at the state of emotions he was in. As she blinked into consciousness, he grasped her hand tightly and held it to his lips.

"Xiao Yan Zi…"

She stared at him, eyes wide and, for a moment, struggling to remember what had happened. Neither of them spoke for a long time. Then, she slowly closed her eyes and whispered, "The baby – "

The world seemed to spin around Yong Qi, as he didn't think she was quite talking about Mian Zhang. Everything seemed to blur as he held onto her hand even more tightly, not speaking.

"The baby," she repeated, her voice cracking this time, "is it – "

"You knew?" he asked, barely louder than a whisper, his voice breaking as well.

Her only response was she turned on her side, her face contorting as a wrecking sob tore from her and tears spilled down her cheeks, soaking the pillow. "_Yong Qi_ – " she cried, sounding so desperate and broken that it filled him with a new wave of pain. "_I'm sorry_ – "

"Oh love, how could it be your fault?" he asked hastily, leaning down and pressing his lips against her forehead, his own tears wetting her skin. He wanted to gather her up and command all her pain away. "Xiao Yan Zi, please don't blame yourself, I can't bear it – "

"I was going to tell you," she said through broken sobs. "I was just waiting a few more days to be sure, and then – "

"Shush, don't…let's just not – "

Yong Qi hardly knew what he was saying, all he knew was that he wanted this pain to stop, for both himself and for her.

* * *

Xiao Yan Zi fell back to grief and exhaustion soon after that, and drifted off into an uneasy sleep. Yong Qi sat with her for as long as it took for him to be assured that she would probably not startle awake again. Then, calling Ming Yue in to sit with her, he made his way out of the room.

He needed some air, a place for all the pent-up energy and pain inside him to have room to escape a little. Staying in a closed room looking at Xiao Yan Zi now was too much to bear.

He wanted to lose himself in some space larger and more open than a garden, but going for a long walk or ride outside right then was not ideal. He needed to be near in case Xiao Yan Zi needed him. So he paced the confines of the gardens, the cool breeze doing nothing to relieve the tension within him.

After a while, he caught sight of Zhu Ying coming towards him.

"I just wanted to see if you were all right and needed anything," she said softly. The way she said this told him that she probably knew about everything already. It was just as well; it would save him having to tell her. He didn't think he could.

He shook his head in answer to her question and hoped she would be satisfied and leave him alone, because making conversation with anyone right now was the last thing he wished to do. She didn't press him to speak, but neither did she leave. She just stood there looking at him with concern.

Finally, more as an excuse to escape her, he said, "I must go. Nan Er – "

"She's over in my room, asleep," Zhu Ying said. "She's distressed, of course, and it took a while to convince her to go to bed. Her nursemaids are with her in case she wakes. Nan Er will be all right. Now that Xiao Yan Zi is asleep, you should go get some rest as well."

He knew she was right, but rest felt like the last thing that would come to him then.

More to give himself something to say than anything, he said, "I need to tell – people – arrangements – "

"I have that under control. Really. Go get some rest. You just need to worry about being there for Xiao Yan Zi, all right? Leave everything else to me."

For the first time since she appeared, Yong Qi allowed himself to properly look at her and consider what she was saying. He didn't exactly expect her to take up all that would need to be done while he was comforting Xiao Yan Zi. He still, despite everything, felt enormous gratitude to her for understanding and doing it all anyway. So when he told her, "Thank you," he meant it with all his heart.

* * *

As much as Xiao Yan Zi occupied the majority of his thoughts for the next few days, Yong Qi could not help marvelling that when Zhu Ying said she had things under control, she meant it.

It was supposed to be a chaotic time, but other than the grief that pressed in from all sides, there was hardly any chaos to be found in the whole Rong Wang Fu. Zhu Ying managed to keep the household running and made arrangements for everything else that needed to be done in the wake of the disastrous few days they just had.

Even if Xiao Yan Zi clung to Nan Er desperately in the coming days, and Yong Qi would not have neglected her either, he had to admit he worried a lot less about her with Zhu Ying around. She did not once complain about any of it, either, and just seemed sincerely sympathetic to their pain more than anything.

Later, Yong Qi truly felt that they would have come out of this latest tragedy a lot worse for wear without her.

* * *

Xiao Yan Zi found herself unwillingly pushed outside that day. Ming Yue and Cai Xia apparently thought she had spent enough time brooding in her room and practically forced her outside for a walk and some fresh air. She supposed she could not blame them. She didn't particularly like how she was feeling lately either, but it seemed impossible to feel anything else.

Somehow, her wandering of the gardens brought her near Zhi Hua's courtyard, where she was confronted with the sounds of a child crying.

_Mian Yi, of course, _she thought to herself, willing herself not to break down at the sound.

She stood there listening for some time, wondering why she was putting herself through this, then wondering why he didn't stop. Somehow, before she quite realised what she was doing, Xiao Yan Zi found herself entering Zhi Hua's rooms.

There was only Zhu Ying, the nursemaid and the child there, though, and Zhi Hua was nowhere in sight. Xiao Yan Zi was relieved; she didn't mind Zhu Ying.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, and Zhu Ying and the nursemaid whirled around to look at her.

"Oh, no – well – he's just being a bit restless," Zhu Ying said, looking flustered. Apparently she and the nursemaid had been at trying to calm Mian Yi down for some time without success.

"Let me?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, approaching the nursemaid. If the look on her face was any indication, she was _very _reluctant about handing her precious charge to Xiao Yan Zi. Did she think Xiao Yan Zi would drop him on purpose?

It took a look from Zhu Ying for the nursemaid to finally hand the wailing child over.

It took a bit of coaxing, but eventually, Xiao Yan Zi was able to calm his screams down into little hiccups, then eventually for him to stop crying altogether. All the time, she tried not to allow herself to be crippled at how painful the familiar feeling was, how bitter it was that this wasn't her child –

"How did you do that?" Zhu Ying stared at her, amazed.

"You can't just tell babies to stop crying and expect them to stop," she said, with a sad smile. "You have to make them feel safe."

That was the trouble with nursemaids, though, as Xiao Yan Zi had found over the years. As much as they could come to care about the children in their charge, and as handy as they came in the middle of the night, they also were far more concerned with ensuring that the child didn't cry to either care why the child was crying or to understand that babies cried, there was no _reason _sometimes and how it was important to distinguish between the two. She supposed it didn't help that most parents would, in turn, expect them to be able to stop the crying on command and penalise the nursemaids if this was not achieved.

"Where is Zhi Hua anyway?"

"Lao Fo Ye asked to see her," Zhu Ying answered. "I suppose she feels lonely sometimes, now that Qing Ge Ge is not with her anymore. Is he all right?"

"Hmmm? Yes, he should be all right." Then, turning to the nursemaid, she asked, "Is he teething?"

"Yes."

"In that case, no wonder he's screaming. Your teeth just feel irritated, don't they, Mian Yi? You don't mean to be bad and cry all the time," she said, nuzzling him.

The child gurgled as if in agreement.

"I should have got you from the start," Zhu Ying said vaguely.

Xiao Yan Zi tried to keep her focus on the child, because if she didn't, she felt like she would burst out crying.

"I mean, I didn't want to disturb you…but I don't exactly have…experience…" Zhu Ying seemed to realise this line of talk might be distressing because she trailed off slowly into silence.

Xiao Yan Zi turned to give her a weak smile. She didn't think Zhu Ying was at all convinced by her attempt to appear collected.

Before either of them could say anything else, Zhi Hua stepped into the room and looked taken back at the unusual crowd in front of her.

"Is something wrong?"

Xiao Yan Zi tried not to think about how she asked the exact question Xiao Yan Zi just did.

"No, he's all right now," Xiao Yan Zi said, before the nursemaid could say anything. Then, handing Mian Yi to a bewildered-looking Zhi Hua, she said softly, "You should stay home with him more often."

Without waiting for Zhi Hua's reply, Xiao Yan Zi walked out of the room.

It was only until she was heading towards her own chambers that she realised Zhu Ying had hurried after her.

"Are you all right?" Zhu Ying asked.

Strangely, Xiao Yan Zi found she didn't mind the question as much as she expected. That didn't make it easy to answer, however.

"Sure," she mumbled.

"You don't have to be, you know," Zhu Ying said softly. "All right, that is."

Xiao Yan Zi wasn't sure why these simple words were the ones that broke through her control and forced her to sit down on a stone bench nearby, shaking. Zhu Ying sat down tentatively beside her, placing a hesitant hand on her shoulder. The gesture was enough, however, for all the guards Xiao Yan Zi put up where Zhu Ying was concerned to come down, and she took the plunge to trust Zhu Ying with her pain. It was cathartic, somehow, to share it with someone who understood loss and grief, but was not so very involved the way Yong Qi was. Zhu Ying allowed her to cry and listen, without telling her what she should do, or that it would be all right. It was liberating, that she understood that things weren't all right for Xiao Yan Zi, and would not be again for a very long time.


	5. Majesty

**Chapter 5: Majesty**

"Yong Qi," his father called weakly.

He quietly approached the bed and sat down on the edge of it. "Huang Ah Ma."

"I doubt I have much time left – "

"Huang Ah Ma – "

"No, don't argue with life. Just listen to me."

So Yong Qi only grasped his father's hand and nodded.

"I don't have much advice to impart anymore to you for when I am gone. You will be a good emperor, Yong Qi, I am sure of it. You will make mistakes, huge ones, more enormous still when you hold all that power in your hands, but you will learn from them, as long as you surround yourself with people who will tell you that you have wronged. I do not worry about you, or the country."

There was a long pause that his father took, either to rest or to contemplate his next words.

"I have been selfish all my life."

"That is not true," Yong Qi protested earnestly.

"It is truer than you know. About your mother – "

Even though she suffered little ill since returning to the palace, years of unpleasantness meant that Yong Qi still found himself instinctively tensing, and knew that his father could feel it.

"You are right to get defensive," his father said. "I have never been good to her, have I?"

Yong Qi did not answer, because there was no way to answer.

"I do not ask for your understanding, nor do I ask for your forgiveness, nor for hers; it is too much to ask for. I do not wish for things to have been different either, Yong Qi, because it would mean not having you. I think in this last, your mother would agree."

Qian Long heaved a sigh and seemed to be lost in thoughts.

"You never mentioned it," the emperor continued after a long pause, "but you must know my reasons for bringing her back to the palace myself. I wished to relieve you the burden of having to spin the tales to bring her back. Soon, you will be able to bring her all the honours you have always wanted for her, and I hope you know that you should never feel any guilt towards me in doing your duties to your mother."

Yong Qi let out a shaky breath. He would not have felt guilty, but still, it really should lessen the pain of the years to know that his father understood him and supported him. Instead, right now, Yong Qi only felt blinding pain at the future that was very close ahead. Whatever anger he might have felt once about the way his father treated his mother seemed to have melted in this moment, when he forced himself to realise with excruciating clarity that soon, his father would no longer be there for him to be angry at.

* * *

The funeral proceedings were long, drawn out, and required Xiao Yan Zi to spend most of her time on her knees.

Not that she could complain, of course, or that she even wanted to. No, for once, she would willing stay on her knees for hours, feeling the hard stones of the courtyard in front of Tai He Dian digging into her knees through the rough fabric of the mourning clothes. Her throat felt raw and her eyes stung from the tears, and they were genuine tears as opposed to all the fake tears around her. All this, she endured, because it was the respect she owed Huang Ah Ma, after all.

But it was day three of funeral rites, and for some reason, today, everything seemed even more exhausting. The whole court was holding vigil by kneeling in front of Tai He Dian. The sun was shining straight into her eyes, seeming unbearably bright. All the whiteness around her did not help, as it just amplified the intense light. She seemed to have lost feeling in her legs and her head felt like it was floating on some cloud far above her. Bright spots peppered her vision and she could not seem to focus her eyes on anything.

"My lady, are you all right?" Cai Xia whispered as she shuffled on her knees closer to Xiao Yan Zi to support her.

Ever since Huang Ah Ma passed five days prior, and her husband was announced as the new emperor the day after, everyone had taken to calling Zhu Ying 'Mistress' while Xiao Yan Zi and Zhi Hua became 'Lady Yan' and 'Lady Chen' respectively. These were appropriate enough placeholder titles until the new emperor had time to bestow actual titles on them himself.

Xiao Yan Zi could not even bring herself to verbally answer Cai Xia's concern, so she just made a vague noise at the back of her throat.

She could practically feel the beads of sweat forming at her brow, though it was still early spring and the weather wasn't that hot. Everything seemed to blur before her eyes and Xiao Yan Zi wasn't even sure how she was keeping up right.

"My lady…" Cai Xia spoke again, but this time, Xiao Yan Zi didn't hear her. Instead, she only felt the world spin, before she descended into darkness.

* * *

There was a thud and a gasp. It made Yong Qi turn around, just in time to see Cai Xia catching Xiao Yan Zi before her head hit the ground. The thud, apparently, had been her elbow hitting the stone as she slumped to the side.

Yong Qi half rose, instinct driving him to rush to her, when Zi Wei shook her head vehemently at him as she rose from her position and made her way to Xiao Yan Zi herself. Yong Qi nearly bit his tongue in self-restraint as he forced himself to turn back to the altar in front of him and to entrust Xiao Yan Zi to Zi Wei's care. People would accept that he was concerned to see Xiao Yan Zi collapse, but with others at hand to take care of her, he could not possibly abandon his duties to the ceremony that was taking place. Still, he could not help but keep watch out of the corner of his eyes as Zi Wei tried to revive Xiao Yan Zi by pressing her finger against the acupoint at Xiao Yan Zi's cupid's bow. It didn't seem to work, and Yong Qi clenched his fists to keep himself in place when Zi Wei flagged down Xiao Deng Zi and Xiao Zhuo Zi to help bring Xiao Yan Zi inside.

It was agony, keeping still, but Yong Qi knew there was little else he could do, even if his insides seemed to be burning from the worry. Xiao Yan Zi had been looking lethargic all throughout the days of the funeral thus far. At first, he attributed it to grief, because unlike many, Xiao Yan Zi was sincerely heartbroken at the loss of Huang Ah Ma. Then, Yong Qi thought she was just tired, as they all were, because it had truly been an exhausting few days. But both Zhu Ying and Zhi Hua had at least managed to keep up better appearances of alertness than Xiao Yan Zi, which was both strange and concerning, as Xiao Yan Zi had always been far fitter than either of them.

And now, she had fainted, which she rarely did, which must mean something was seriously wrong, and he couldn't even go check on her himself!

"Zi Wei will take care of her," his mother whispered to him, though he could tell by the tone of her voice that she was worried about Xiao Yan Zi as well. Zhu Ying, too, was trying to give him a reassuring look, whose affect was ruined because it was also laced with worry for Xiao Yan Zi's uncharacteristic lapse of strength.

* * *

Zi Wei was not often impatient, but this was hardly a normal situation. With Xiao Yan Zi's servants' help, she had managed to bring her into a resting chamber, and was now waiting for an imperial physician to come examine her. With the funeral on going, they couldn't raise a fuss, so Zi Wei knew it would take a little longer than usual for the imperial physician to get to where they were. Still, it was impossible to curb the alarm rising in her as she held Xiao Yan Zi's hand. It felt clammy, though Xiao Yan Zi's face was flushed. The only times before that Zi Wei knew Xiao Yan Zi to ever be so worn were because she was severely injured, starving or in the midst of childbirth. That she might have fainted from the exhaustion of the funeral didn't seem to fit.

Zi Wei breathed a sigh of relief when Hu Taiyi walked into the room. He went to Xiao Yan Zi's bedside and took her pulse while Zi Wei tried not to fidget from impatience.

"Ge Ge," Hu Taiyi said to Zi Wei once he released Xiao Yan Zi's wrist, "I believe that Lady Yan is with child."

"Oh," Zi Wei said in a rush of breath. Well, that might explain some, but gave way to different concerns. "Is she well? Is everything all right?"

"I believe it is quite early and I don't deny the grief for the late emperor and exhaustion of the last few days must have caused her to faint just now. But with some rest and care, I believe that everything will be well. I will, of course, also prescribe some tonics and dietary guidelines to ensure that she replenishes her strength."

Zi Wei turned to Ming Yue and Cai Xia, who did not look like they knew about this development before Hu Taiyi announced it. "She doesn't know yet, does she?" Zi Wei asked. "You two haven't realised either?"

"I don't think my lady knows," Ming Yue answered. "With the stress after Da Ah Ge passed away, her courses haven't been regular, so last month, Cai Xia and I just thought she skipped a month. Should we tell Huang Shang?"

"Yes, we must, of course," Zi Wei said. "But after today's rites are over. For now, if one of you could get Shun Gong Gong's attention and have him pass a message to Huang Shang that Lady Yan is in no danger and Hu Taiyi recommends she rest for now."

Cai Xia left to deliver the message.

"Will you stay with her, Ge Ge?" Ming Yue asked.

"Yes, I think I shall," Zi Wei said. "I know you and Cai Xia are more than capable, but in case she wakes up, I'd like to tell her the news."

* * *

Despite the message from Zi Wei that Shun Pei relayed in a whisper to him, when the rites were over, Yong Qi was impatient to check on Xiao Yan Zi. Still, it was hardly appropriate for him to rush away from the ceremony the moment it was over. Instead, he offered his arm to his mother.

"E'niang, you must be tired. Let your son escort you to rest."

His mother took his arm and squeezed it in comfort as they made their way to where Xiao Yan Zi was. Yong Qi was thankful when Zhu Ying had the tact to remain behind, ostensibly to keep everything in order, and keeping Zhi Hua with her.

When Yong Qi and his mother entered the room, Xiao Yan Zi still laid immobile on the bed.

"Is she truly all right?" Yong Qi asked Zi Wei, impatiently waving away her curtsy and greetings.

His mother had released his arm and Zi Wei took his place, leading her to a chair.

"Yes, Hu Taiyi assures me she is well, considering," Zi Wei said once the empress dowager has seated.

Yong Qi frowned, not entirely assured. "Considering?"

"She is with child."

Yong Qi, whose attention had been focused on observing Xiao Yan Zi, now snapped his head up and stared at his sister. Somehow, he had not expected this to be the reason for Xiao Yan Zi looking so unwell in the last few days, and he couldn't decide whether happiness or concern should be the triumphant feeling at this moment.

Zi Wei understood this conflict, of course, because she added, "It is early, but Hu Taiyi said everything seems well. She just needs rest and plenty of fluid to regain her strength. And perhaps to take it a bit easy in the coming days and not overexert herself. This shouldn't be too much of an issue considering most of the important rites are over now."

Yong Qi took a deep, shaky breath as he turned back and stroked Xiao Yan Zi's cheek softly.

"That is good news, even among our loss," his mother said, coming over to place a hand on his shoulder.

Yes, it rather was.

* * *

When Xiao Yan Zi came to, she opened her eyes for only a fraction of a second before having to close them again, protesting against the light.

Still, she could hear the relief in Yong Qi's voice as he squeezed her hand. "You're awake. Thank goodness."

Xiao Yan Zi tried to open her eyes again, this time squinting up at Yong Qi. It took a moment for his face to come into focus.

"Wha- happ- ?" she managed to ask groggily.

"You fainted, Xiao Yan Zi. How are you feeling now?"

"I dunno…still a bit lightheaded. I fainted?"

Even to her own ears, her voice sounded thin. She could hardly justify how she could have become so weak.

Yong Qi was stroking her hair gently. By now, she had managed to open her eyes to look properly at him. She had expected him to look worried. And he did, but there was something else in his eyes beside that worry too. Something lighter that hadn't been there since they received the news of Huang Ah Ma's passing.

Yong Qi took her hand in both of his and raised it to his lips. "You'll be all right now that you're awake. But Xiao Yan Zi, Hu Taiyi says that you are with child."

"I am?" Even as she asked, Xiao Yan Zi realised that this at least explained why she had been feeling so worn out these past few days. Still, as the information sank in, she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming happiness mixed with trepidation.

"Yes. Together he and Ming Yue and Cai Xia don't think it has been more than two months yet, but Hu Taiyi says everything seems to be well. You just have to take things a little easier, that's all."

Xiao Yan Zi found herself smiling, despite of everything. "That's good," she murmured. Then, to Yong Qi, she asked, "It's good, isn't it? Are you happy?"

He leaned down to cup her cheeks and kissed her forehead. "Yes, of course I am happy. It's good news. It's wonderful."

"It is a little strange though," she said, unable to help the slivers of sorrow that crept in. "To have something to be happy about in the middle of all of this."

"I don't think Huang Ah Ma would begrudge us this happiness, Xiao Yan Zi. If anything, I'd like to think he's smiling down on us now too."

* * *

The news of the baby was a blessing that Xiao Yan Zi hadn't dared dream of ever since they lost Mian Zhang so tragically young the year before. And yet, as happy as both Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi were about this new reason to hope, they found that they did not have much time to cherish it together. After the funeral was over, life became even more hectic with preparations for the coronation of the new emperor. During this time, too, Xiao Yan Zi and Zhi Hua were expected to return to Rong Wang Fu to await the titles that would in due course be bestowed on them, which would bring them into the palace. Yong Qi and Zhu Ying, meanwhile, remained in the palace.

The day before the coronation, however, Xiao Yan Zi found herself in Qian Qing Gong, but one that no longer belonged to Huang Ah Ma. No, Yong Qi was its master now, and as much as they both wanted everything to remain the same between them, they also knew that the coming morn would still bring on changes, for better or worse.

"I'm surprised you have time to see me right now. Shouldn't you be busy preparing for tomorrow?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, studying Yong Qi over the expanse of the desk in the imperial study of Qian Qing Gong. It was a relief that Yong Qi had dismissed the servants when she came in, and it was just the two of them in the room. She still hadn't quite gotten the hang of all the formalities she must observe now with him in public. Though she knew it would not be too disastrous if she slipped in front of their trusted servants, their presence was still a reminder of the not entirely welcome changes in their life.

Yong Qi held out his hand. Xiao Yan Zi walked around the desk to take it and he tugged her gently to sit down next to him on the throne-like chair.

"There's nothing else for me to prepare for now, really," he said. "I just wanted to spend some time with you, now, before everything…"

Xiao Yan Zi sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. Their fingers were still laced together, a familiar warmth and a familiar weight. How could it be that these physical things would hardly change because of his shift in title, and yet everything else would change as a result?

She could feel Yong Qi turn and then he pressed a kiss against her hair. "Stay with me tonight?"

"Am I allowed?" she asked mildly.

He sighed and pulled her even closer. "I'm not sure I can bring myself to care so much at this point."

* * *

They lay in bed side by side, on their sides in order to be able to look at each other. The familiar comforting silence mingled with the sense of suspense of the day that was to come.

"Yong Qi."

"Hmmm?"

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "Nothing. I just want to say your name, before the time comes that I can't say it any longer."

Yong Qi rolled to lay on his back, then pulled her into his arms, so that she came to rest her head on his chest.

"I know we will have to observe all the protocols in public," he said, "but Xiao Yan Zi, when it is just us alone together, I am still always your Yong Qi."

She was touched at this sentiment, and was not expecting him to say anything less. Still, she couldn't quite curb her anxiety. "I'm a little afraid of giving myself too many liberties and then forgetting myself in public," she said, playing with the knotted buttons of his night shirt. With the tide of change coming on so fast, she felt as if he was the only anchor holding her in place. But then, things were changing for him too, even more drastically than they were for her. What was keeping him in place, and so calm? Was he calm? He was giving a good impression of it, and for his sake, she hoped at least some of it was real.

Yong Qi turned to kiss the top of her head. "You'll be fine. I reckon it would be pretty hard to forget in huge ceremonies where public face is at risk. In smaller settings, if you do ever forget yourself, I will make sure no one can accuse you of any disrespect."

He would have all the plans in place to protect her. Of course he would. But in moments like this, she wondered if he realised what he was doing to himself. He wished to protect her, but then who would protect him from the speculations and censures of an unfeeling imperial court?

Xiao Yan Zi propped herself up on her elbow so that she could look at him. "Ever since the news of Huang Ah Ma passing away came, we haven't had much time to talk. But I have been wanting to say this to you. I know you love me, but I also know that from now on, you have far many more things to consider than just my comfort or even safety. I know there will be challenges and challengers to your power, and if the challengers know you at all, they'd try to use me to discredit or perturb you. I don't want you to feel like you need to do everything you can to spare me discomfort at the expense of stability in court or establishing your authority or anything like that. I am willing to endure some inconveniences, you know, if it would make your life easier."

Yong Qi didn't look like he expected these words from her at all. There was a moment of silence while he considered her words and she continued looking at him in earnestness. Then, he reached up and tucked away a strand of hair behind her ear. "Have you been thinking about this so much?"

Xiao Yan Zi nodded.

"But I think you've got it backward, dearest," Yong Qi said. "The higher I rise, the more I will need you and your good heart to keep me grounded, because you're the only one I can trust to tell me if I ever get too big for my boots. I will do everything in my power to protect you, because you, and what you are to me, is more important now than ever. And it is exactly that – power. Before, whenever you got into trouble that I could not save you from, it was because I didn't have the power. You know that before it became reality, I did harbour ambitions to become emperor, for E'niang, yes, and even selfishly for myself. But much of it is also for you, because now, for the first time, I am sure I have the power to call the shots and make decisions that would ensure your safety and protection. I'm not going to give that away."

"I just worry," she said softly. "I don't want your love for me to undermine you or become an obstacle to your reign. If that happens, it would just seem like it confirms all the reasons people had to disapprove of me for you."

"You must not think the fact that I want to protect you is such a bad choice. Protecting you and being a good emperor isn't mutually exclusive, you know."

There was a teasing lilt in his voice, but she knew his words were quite serious.

"Besides," Yong Qi added, "if I cannot even use my power to influence and lead the court to ensure your comfort, then what hope do I have to get anything on the national scale done?"

She couldn't quite argue with that, so she just laid her head back down on his shoulder and for now, let go of her worry to enjoy the last few hours in the warmth of his arms as the world outside readied itself for enormous change.

* * *

Their wake-up call came before the crack of dawn.

When Xiao Yan Zi slid out of bed, she saw that everything was already in place to start this momentous day. Palace maids knelt bearing trays carrying the wash water. His yellow court robe was already hung from the night before on a rack in the corner, the golden threaded dragons seemed to glimmer with life as candlelight bounced off them. The various accessories were neatly laid on trays on a table nearby, including one on which sat the tall, imperious Emperor's hat.

Xiao Yan Zi was not in the habit of waiting on Yong Qi hand and foot. She had done enough of that in a previous life for people she definitely did not like, so had little interest in recreating the memories of those times with Yong Qi, whom she did enormously like. Yong Qi never minded when she left him to his own devices or to the servants.

Today was different, though. No one would let him dress himself today, and if that was the case, she wanted her hands to be the ones putting this new mantle on him. At least that meant she would be part of this day, which was bringing on enormous change for them both.

If he noticed that she was doing more than she usually did, he only smiled at her as he took from her the cup of water to rise his mouth.

She undid his hair and combed it with infused water, before rebraiding it. Then, layer by layer, she helped him put on the heavy brocade golden court robe, finishing off with the stiff capelet. As she smoothed over the front of his robe, the tightly embroidered golden threads felt almost sharp beneath her palm.

Before she could draw her hand away, Yong Qi grasped it and held it a moment longer against his heart before letting it go.

As Yong Qi sat down, Xiao Yan Zi also knelt down to help him with his shoes.

"You shouldn't – " Yong Qi said, pulling her up. "Let them do it."

"I'm all right," Xiao Yan Zi reassured him. "Really."

She leaned down to help him pull on his boots. They were not the plain black ones that she had made for him on his last birthday as she did every year, but far more decked out with embroideries of dragons as befitting the entire ensemble he was now wearing.

When they both stood up again, there was only the proverbial dragon's eyes to complete the outfit. She took the heavy gold and red Emperor's hat from Shun Gong Gong. Both she and Yong Qi took synchronous deep breaths as she raised the hat up and gently placed it on his head, fitting the strap under his chin.

Xiao Yan Zi exhaled, and raised her eyes to meet Yong Qi's gaze. Outwardly, he seemed calm, but she knew it was only on the surface. The tension in his shoulder gave him away to her, and she instinctively smoothed over his capelet, hoping her touch and encouraging smile would help ease him somewhat.

"I love you," he mouthed so that only she could see. Xiao Yan Zi's smile widened and she took his hand briefly, squeezing it.

Then, she let go of his hand and took a step back. Dipping her knees, she murmured, "Huang Shang."

Yong Qi reached out to raise her up, his hand lingering in hers for a moment, before he too let go.

It was time.


	6. Yi Fei

**Chapter 6: Yi Fei**

"Huang Shang," Zhu Ying said to him the day after the coronation, "now that yesterday's great occasion is over, I should discuss with you the arrangements for Xiao Yan Zi and Zhi Hua. What are your wishes regarding their titles and living arrangements so that I can instruct Jing Shi Fang on the preparations?"

"I will trust you to handle the living arrangements as you see fit. Regarding the titles, though…" Yong Qi paused for a moment, then out of curiosity, asked, "What are your thoughts?"

"If I may speak frankly?"

He nodded. "Of course. That's why I asked."

"Zhi Hua is the mother of Huang Shang's currently only surviving son. Xiao Yan Zi is the mother of Huang Shang's first-born child, and the First Prince. She also now has another child on the way. In terms of their merits to the imperial family, both deserve high honours. Of course, the highest honour would be an initial appointment to the rank of Gui Fei…"

Despite asking to speak frankly, here, Zhu Ying trailed off, obviously wishing to keep her opinion of awarding either Xiao Yan Zi or Zhi Hua an initial rank of Gui Fei diplomatically ambiguous. She didn't need to be so cautious, really. As biased as Yong Qi admittedly was, he had not considered such high rank from the start to be a wise decision either. In any case, it was not as if Xiao Yan Zi was much fussed what her title would be. Zhi Hua might be, but there were ways to make sure she would not be discontent.

"To award a new consort the rank of Gui Fei from the start, instead of promoting her gradually up to it, is indeed a great honour," Yong Qi said what Zhu Ying would not. "It is not without precedence, of course. Upon his ascension to the throne, the late emperor immediately bestowed the rank of Gui Fei on Hui Xian Huang Gui Fei, and before him, the Shi Zong Emperor also gave Dun Su Huang Gui Fei the initial rank of Gui Fei upon taking the throne. But both Hui Xian Huang Gui Fei and Dun Su Huang Gui Fei had family members holding very high position in court who achieved great merits and did great personal service to their monarchs. Xiao Yan Zi and Zhi Hua's family situations are complicated in their own ways that such high ranks would only invite unwanted scrutiny. Seeing as aside from you, there is only the two of them, I also don't want to cause unnecessary unbalance or discord if I can help it. So for them both, the rank of Fei will suffice."

"Huang Shang is wise to consider all facets of the situation," Zhu Ying said. "In that case, shall I ask Jing Shi Fang to submit auspicious characters to be considered for their titles?"

"I have a character in mind for Xiao Yan Zi's title already," Yong Qi said. "I would give Xiao Yan Zi the title of Yi Fei."

"Yi?"

"Yi as in _yi le, _happiness, or _yi ran_, contentment." This, above everything, was all he ever hoped for her, ever since meeting her.

"It reflects Huang Shang's affection for Xiao Yan Zi and her character very well, indeed," Zhu Ying said, smiling.

But then, for a moment, a slight frown came over her.

"What is it?"

"It would not matter if the inner palace was more populated. But it is as Huang Shang says, there is only Xiao Yan Zi and Zhi Hua. You have personally chosen Xiao Yan Zi's title. I just wonder if we allow Jing Shi Fang to choose Zhi Hua's title, whether it would cause her to overthink…"

"I see what you mean," Yong Qi said thoughtfully. "Zhi Hua had always impressed with her literary knowledge, including her calligraphy. Lao Fo Ye used to be most drawn to her elegance and refined nature as well. What do you think of Wen as a title?"

"Wen… I think it suits very well."

* * *

"Niang Niang, are you sure that it's a good idea to assign Cheng Qian Gong to Yi Fei Niang Niang?" Zhu Ying's maid Jiu Zhu asked her later in the day.

"Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" Zhu Ying asked.

"Are you not afraid that people would compare your Yi Kun Gong unfavourably to it?"

"You are thinking too much, Jiu Zhu," Zhu Ying said with a laugh. "Yi Kun Gong is the appropriate place for me. It reflects the earthly source of yin power of the position of empress, and alludes to the official seat of the empress at Kun Ning Gong."

"But is it not inappropriate that the empress's palace is associated with only earthly honour while a consort's palace reflects celestial favour?"

"And what use do I have for celestial favour?" Zhu Ying asked. "No, I'm more than happy for Yi Fei to have all my share of it."

* * *

The first couple of months were a blur.

The only thing that felt real to Yong Qi in those months of dizzying change was Xiao Yan Zi. It was Xiao Yan Zi's gaze he looked for in the crowd, it was Xiao Yan Zi's smile and brushes of her hand under the table that gave him strength. In the stolen moments that they found together after the coronation, he would place a hand over her stomach, knowing that their child was within, and letting the closeness to her and their child keep him grounded, reminding him of who he was, to her, to their children, always.

She made him feel amused for the first time since the funeral when they met the day after the coronation, when she took full advantage of his earlier reassurances to point-blankly told him that there had been enough kneeling throughout the entire palace lately as it was, and so she refused to kneel to him when they were alone. If he expected her to, he might as well never seek her out alone.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "My dear, wonderful, beautiful Xiao Yan Zi," he whispered as he held her close, "_We_ shall make it an imperial decree so that you are _not _allowed _ever _to kneel before me or call me Huang Shang when it is just the two of us together."

She pouted at him, both at the decree and the initial use of the majestic We, and he laughed. Clearly her first instinct was to _not _accept the decree just because she could, but then the contents of it was exactly what she wanted, so it wasn't as if she would pass it up.

In the end, she just said, "Fine," and turned away.

"What, no thanks?" he asked with a laugh.

"Thanking you would require kneeling," she said, turning back with a grin. "Rather defeats the point, wouldn't it?"

He chuckled and pulled her into his embrace again. With his lips near her ear, he said softly, all trace of laughter gone now, "Never change, Xiao Yan Zi. Promise me. The world can change, but you will never change. I can't bear it."

Her eyes softened as she pulled away slightly to look at him. "I think the past has indicated that even if you wished for me to change, it would be a hard feat to accomplish."

He smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead, then rested his cheek against her hair, the two of them savouring this rare moment of peace together while outside, the whole world seemed so different now than it was ten days ago.

* * *

"Niang Niang, Gao Gong Gong from Jing Shi Fang is here," Ming Yue announced.

"Jing Shi Fang? What are they here for? Let him come in."

In the end, it was not just Gao Gong Gong of Jing Shi Fang, the office which handled all matters of the inner palace, who entered the room, but also an older woman, whom Gao Gong Gong introduced as Li Mo Mo. Xiao Yan Zi hadn't met either of them before, but that was hardly a new thing these days. She received their greetings and then waited for them to state their business.

"Yi Fei Niang Niang, your servant congratulates you," Gao Gong Gong said. "Huang Shang has turned your name card and desires that you will attend to his sleep tonight."

It took Xiao Yan Zi several seconds to wrap her head around the bizarre turns of phrase to understand that they meant she was to share Yong Qi's bed that night. Having found meanings in the words, she couldn't decide whether she was more perturbed by the fact that this was apparently a development that merited congratulations, or by the mounting realisation that from now on, so many more people than she ever wanted to think about would be very aware of the nights they spent together. He was the emperor now, and his bedroom was no longer a private place. Meticulous records needed to be kept, which meant scrutinous attention paid to how he slept each night, where and with whom.

Broadly, she knew that such records were kept when he was a prince, too, but at least in Rong Wang Fu, the management of his bedroom had been subtle enough that Xiao Yan Zi could pretend it didn't exist. It didn't seem like this would carry forward now that he was the emperor.

It was enough to make Xiao Yan Zi wonder if it would take all the joy out of it altogether.

Vaguely she registered that Gao Gong Gong was telling her that the woman, Li Mo Mo, would remain to acquaint her with the protocols of what was to come. Because of course there were protocols.

She wondered if she could just play the uncooperative spoiled consort and do everything in her power to antagonise Li Mo Mo as she had done once upon a time with Rong Mo Mo, and whether that would accomplish in Li Mo Mo leaving her alone. She had little interest in discussing the intimate aspects of her bedchamber with a woman she had never met, but these days, Xiao Yan Zi was also having to increasingly come to terms with the fact that what she was interested in mattered little to the ways of the palace and the expectations for an imperial consort.

Maybe if she just sat through this and not say anything, the painful ordeal would be dwelt with and she could forget about it forever.

So Xiao Yan Zi allowed Gao Gong Gong to leave Li Mo Mo behind. She sat, looking at the older woman, ready for what would surely not be a comfortable experience.

"Yi Fei Niang Niang, as Gao Gong Gong said, your servant is here to brief you on the protocols of waiting on Huang Shang."

Xiao Yan Zi valiantly held back a burning sarcastic remark about how she really no longer needed the mechanics of the bedroom explained to her, considering she was pregnant and all. She forced herself to say nothing and looked on expectantly.

"First, you may not know, but every day, at noon, Jing Shi Fang would present Huang Shang with the names of all the imperial consorts and concubines in the inner palace, and Huang Shang would pick who he wishes to attend to him that night by turning over the card with their name. Huang Shang has turned your card tonight, and it is a great honour, as you would be the first to wait on Huang Shang following his ascension to the throne."

Well, it wasn't as if she had a theatre company's worth of competition, Xiao Yan Zi thought to herself. To Li Mo Mo, she said nothing still, though she did have to bite back the urge to retort that whatever else about him had changed, she hardly expected him to literally have turned into a different person that the night to come would be any different that the nights before.

It probably was unbecoming of her station now to say such things.

She found herself pressing her lips together, though she wasn't sure whether it was to stop herself from laughing at the absurdity of the situation, or showing her thorough disgust with the fact that they were having this conversation at all.

"You will have the rest of the day to prepare for Huang Shang," Li Mo Mo continued to say. "Per protocols, you will bathe and be wrapped only in a quilt. When the time comes, the eunuchs of Jing Shi Fang will carry you in the quilt to Qian Qing Gong, where you will wait upon Huang Shang in the central royal bedchamber. After the allocated time of one hour, you will be expected to withdraw to one of the side bedchambers, where you can rest until the morning, but you will not be permitted to remain with Huang Shang throughout the night."

In other words, Xiao Yan Zi translated to herself, the emperor takes his concubines to bed and once he had had his way with them, they could be discarded like an old shirt.

It was a wonder they weren't all murdered in their bed.

Then again, that fear was probably why the women were brought to the bed covered only with a quilt. Xiao Yan Zi was sure, though, if someone had ever truly wanted to do it, they would have creatively devised an alternate way to commit regicide nonetheless.

"Of course, later, Huang Shang could choose to visit the imperial consorts at their own palaces," Li Mo Mo went on, blithely unaware of the increasingly dark turn of Xiao Yan Zi's thoughts, "but within the first three months after the ascension, they are expected to wait upon Huang Shang in Qian Qing Gong only."

It was, to sum up, a thoroughly ridiculous system, but Xiao Yan Zi didn't tell Li Mo Mo that. She only smiled blandly and indicated that she had heard. Li Mo Mo finished her lecture soon after, but not before giving Xiao Yan Zi an inkling that she had skipped a few parts about ways to effectively wait on the emperor. Xiao Yan Zi could not be more thankful that she had; it was not something she ever wanted to discuss with anyone that wasn't Yong Qi at all.

* * *

"This is ridiculous," Xiao Yan Zi said to Yong Qi later that night, looking up as he sat on the edge of the bed beside her. She was still wrapped in the quilt where the eunuchs who carried her in had laid her down. Yong Qi was already undressed down into his night clothes and there were only a few flickering candles scattered about the room.

"It is," Yong Qi admitted, "a lot ridiculous. Especially for us. But it is unfortunately also unavoidable right now."

"I mean, how long have we been married? How long have we lived together?" Xiao Yan Zi continued to grumble. "Do they think that now that things had changed, I'd suddenly get a new urge to kill yo-asfadff – "

Her last incriminating word was smothered as Yong Qi placed a hand over her lips.

"You know, for how much you worry that you might slip up and say in appropriate things in public, you are surprisingly bad at curbing your instincts. I think I take back what I said too. You keep saying these things out loud, and one day even I won't be able to make excuses for you," he admonished.

Xiao Yan Zi glowered at him and heaved a loud sigh.

"So are you just here to vent to me about the ridiculousness of this arrangement?" Yong Qi asked mildly, flicking open the quilt that was still covering her all this time.

As his fingers drew tantalising lines from her breast to her hip, Xiao Yan Zi was almost tempted.

She sat up and stilled his hand. "Honestly, I'm not sure yet I'm sanguine enough about how insane all these protocols are to entirely enjoy this right now."

She half-expected Yong Qi to be disappointed. Instead, he only chuckled and gave her a sympathetic pat. "It's all right. I only wanted your company, really." He stood up and went to a closet, taking out a set of night clothes and handed them to her.

"Are these mine?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, puzzled even as she pulled them on. "They are."

"They arranged to bring some of your clothes over here to prepare for tonight, of course," Yong Qi said. "After all, you do have to leave in the morning."

"Yes, but I thought then the clothes would be in the side bedchamber, not the main one…speaking of which, is this it? I'd have thought the emperor's royal bedchamber in Qian Qing Gong to be…bigger. This is rather cosy."

"No, this is the first western side chamber," Yong Qi said. "I thought if we start the night in here, then neither of us would have to move."

Xiao Yan Zi looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Isn't the point that we can't spend the whole night together?"

"And I'm being very sneaky and bending the rules a bit, really."

Xiao Yan Zi laughed. "I'm far from complaining, mind you, because that rule is stupid. But I do also have to admit I think I've been a very bad influence on you."

"You're only admitting that _now_?" Yong Qi asked, laughing with her. He sat down on the bed with her and pulled her into his arms. "Anyway, I've decided that this room, this place, is only going to be ours – yours and mine."

"What do you mean?"

"There are nine bedrooms in this entire palace. Aside from the centre chamber, anyone else could use the other seven, but this one will only ever be for you and me. Even here, in Qian Qing Gong, I want us to have a place that is just ours alone."

She knew, of course, that 'anyone else' might soon consist of more than Zhu Ying and Zhi Hua, but she forced herself not to think too much on this by focusing totally on Yong Qi.

"I think that'd be nice," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "To have a place for just the two of us alone."

"I'm glad you agree," Yong Qi said, before leaning in to kiss her.


End file.
